Preternatural
by Steel Drums and Island Dances
Summary: When self-actualization combines with an attack from Laurent, a new attitude towards life, and a low tolerance, Bella's not the girl Edward left anymore. Warnings: use of one element from Bleach explained in AN, slight psycho!Bella, swearing, violence.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey… I'm not exactly sure what possessed me to write this. All I know was that I was rereading Eclipse last night and thinking, "Godric Gryffindor, Bella pisses me off. I know she's got more than that. Be a fucking woman!" So I started imagining how Bella would act in certain situations if she were how I wanted her to be. And this was the product. Starts off during the Laurent-meadow scene in New Moon. Some words directly copied. The first chapter's a songfic to Disloyal Order of Water Buffalos by Fall Out Boy. Remember, very very slight Bleach crossover—but not so much that those who don't watch/read won't understand. I made it so that I pretty much only used one or two elements from it. Of course, I kinda messed with Bleach's rules. A lot. _

_Warnings: Swearing, slight psycho!Bella, violence, yadda yadda _

_Enjoy!_

It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass…

It was the same place… but it didn't hold what I had been searching for.

The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.

**_I'm coming apart at the seams_**

**_Pitching myself for leads in people's dreams_**

**_Now buzz, buzz, buzz_**

**_Doc, there's a hole where something was_**

What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain—the pain that now, had me cold.

**_Doc, there's a hole where something was_**

(_A/N: This is where the original stuff starts)_

I was so pathetic. I could feel myself dying inside, the jagged, invisible marks where he had taken my heart stinging and eating away at the rest of me—at the rest of my life. I had no more friends. My own father was helpless to stop my own slow death.

And me. I couldn't even think his name.

**_Fell outta bed,_**

**_Butterfly bandage, but don't worry—_**

**_You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry._**

I didn't want to remember what he'd done to me. Was this what love was? Knowing that someone had the power to kill you without you saying a word?Nary a protest had left my lips when he'd decided he was done with me. How could I? I'd known this was coming for so long.

I'd always known I wasn't good enough for him.

**_Put him in the back of a squad car,_**

**_Restrain that man!_**

**_He needs his head put through a catscan!_**

**_Hey Editor—I'm undeniable!_**

**_Hey Doctor—I'm certifiable! _**

I knew I could be good enough for someone else—for someone who wasn't so good, so pure. But I'd been spoiled by him. I didn't want someone who wasn't that good anymore.

_He's obviously not all that pure if he threw you away like a used tissue_, a voice said to me. I hushed it. He was that pure. Who else could deny their own existence, push themselves to the limit for the sake of humanity?

Something screamed in the back of my mind, but I couldn't hear it. Then it was loud. _ANYONE!_ It said. Not necessarily anyone. Him, the rest of his family. I couldn't imagine anyone as good as them.

_Get it through your head, Bella,_ it sneered. _He's only good _because _of his family. He ran off once. He came back because of Carlisle's teachings. If he were truly good, he would have decided by himself—like Jasper. Or Alice._

_If he were truly good, he wouldn't have done this to you._

**_I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine_**

**_What a match_**

**_I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet_**

No, no. He was good. He was good. I was just lucky to have captured his interest for so long.

_Who says? Who says he wasn't lucky to have you? What other girl do you know that would have accepted him after he told you who he was? After he told you about whom he_ murdered?

The other girls wouldn't understand. He's not like that.

_Yeah, yeah, great. Why do you think he chose you? He realized how lucky he was to find someone who didn't fear him. And you're dismissing your own strength._

I'm not strong. Not like him.

_Forget about him for a minute. You're a human. What about your world—are you saying that Charlie risking his life as a police officer isn't as good as being a vampire? Are you saying being in the army and sacrificing yourself for your country isn't as good as drinking from animals? What do you think of that? What do you think of courage, of bravery? What gives you the right to dismiss that in yourself? _

I… I don't know.

_Who are you, Bella? Do you even know yourself?_

I don't know.

_Of course not._ The voice sounded like it was sneering. _You've been too caught up in insecurities and this Edward guy. Who says you aren't good enough for him? Who told you that? Him. When other people put you down, you don't believe it. Just because he played with your heart doesn't mean you should tolerate that from him. In fact, it should make you even less tolerant._

_You need to find out who you are, Bella. I can only help you for so long. But if you want to live—not survive, live—then you need to find yourself. Find out why I waste my time on you._

_Find out why _he_ wasted his time on you._

**_So boycott love_**

**_Detox just to retox _**

Who are you? I asked, tremulous. This was no ordinary internal voice.

_If the woman I know is in there finally comes out, you'll see._

If I wasn't crazy already, I would be frightened. But this—this felt right. Even questioning myself because of this voice felt right.

What did I really think about myself?

**_And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life _**

I… I thought I was weird. Different. If I couldn't connect with other people, I was bound to be a little weird. If I could connect with vampires—well, yeah, I was weird.

But weird… why was weird bad to me? If weird meant I could be with Ed—him, then why was that so bad?

Everything came back to him, didn't it. My world revolved around him. Luckily his had more important things than me.

But why? If I could give up everything for him, why couldn't he give up anything for me? I'd always thought that this… this _unbalanced_ relationship was okay, because he was so pure. But… this voice… started to show me… he wasn't…

I was weak. That's what it came down to. My dependency on someone who didn't want me. My nonexistent will to live. I didn't want to live without him.

But what on Earth would I become, if I continued in this vein? Would I grow old, alone, slowly dying? Or worse, would I try to find him, follow him, never leave, like a parasite? Was I so pathetic?

**_Imperfect boys with their perfect lives_**

**_Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy _**

Yes. I was truly pathetic. At the mention of his name, I curled into a ball, unable to move or speak. I couldn't even get over my first breakup.

More shudders ripped through me. Was it really like this? Was what I missed truly so good? Yes. But it obviously wasn't as good as I thought, if he could give it up so easily.

That voice was right. That voice was fucking right. Who said that I wasn't good enough for him? So far, it seemed like no one was. Not even Rosalie, the breathtakingly beautiful one. And surely countless had pursued him. How many 'Bellas' had there been? I could see it. Just like it had happened to me.

A stunning man finds an outcast girl, one who understands his everlasting struggle. She feels that he knows her—that she's finally found someone to connect with.

But then he loses interest. He leaves. She's reduced to a mindless zombie, perhaps put into a hospital on an IV, unable to breath without him. All these women, because they were so weak, they couldn't handle the rejection of the first person to understand them…

No. I would be different. I was fine before he came along. I could live alone. I would live alone. I wanted to live. Now I did, at least. Now that I knew what he had done to me, I would never let it happen again.

Not just that—I would make him pay for it.

**_Little girl, you got me staring odd_**

**_Or—or was that just a telescopic camera lie?_**

**_Painting doors in the highway truckstop stalls (of love)_**

**_Lockless jails that deny my rules_**

**_All the rookies leave your badge and gun on the desk when you leave the room _**

Yes. I would make him pay.

My body stilled. There wasn't a hole there anymore. I was still weak from my fit—but I would be better. I would grow stronger. I would make it so I was like steel. So nobody could ever rip me apart again.

But… how? How could I make him feel what he put me through for months? It would take some planning. I was good at that. And I was patient. I could wait as long as it took. But the day would come—I would make it.

I stood up, and at once I registered movement from the trees to the north, and a figure stepped out. A flurry of emotions, of memory—then it clicked.

"Laurent."

"Bella?" He looked astonished.

"That's the one," I said softly, watching him carefully. My mind whirred. How the hell was I supposed to get out of this alive?

A slow smile spread over his face. "I didn't expect to see you here," He strolled toward me, expression bemused.

"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."

He stopped about ten steps away. "You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect… When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."

"They did." I smiled bitterly.

"Hmm," he hummed. "I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"

My smile grew less bitter and more angry. "You could say that."

**_I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine_**

**_What a match:_**

**_I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet _**

Dammit, dammit, dammit—his eyes were still red. This couldn't mean anything good for me.

"Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted towards me.

My mind worked as quickly as I could force it. "Now and again. The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I could feel pain trying to force its way into my head at the mention of them, but I pushed it back. Now was not the time for internal debate.

"Hmm," he murmured again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for awhile…"

I tried again. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I paused as convincingly as I could. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to Edward, I suppose—" I barely managed to keep the bitterness from my voice—"he has such a temper… well, I'm sure you remember. He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved a hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but my voice shook slightly. I wondered if he realized why.

"Is he really?" He asked pleasantly… skeptically.

"Mm-hmm."

He took a step to the side, casually disguising how it brought him closer to me. Not well enough, though.

"So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" I stalled nervously, hating the anxiety in my voice.

If only… if only I was strong enough to beat him.

**_Boycott love _**

He paused. "I like Tanya very much. And her sister Irina even more… I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But the restrictions are difficult… I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."

That little voice in my head hissed. I really must be losing it, I thought absently, realizing that I was talking idly to myself while in a near-death situation. "Oh. Jasper has trouble with that, too."

"Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"

"No," I answered. "Jasper is more careful at home."

"So am I."

He stepped forward quite deliberately this time.

"Did Victoria ever find you?" As much as I danced around what I knew what was happening, I wanted it done. If I was going to die, I'd force myself back. Somehow. If not… then one more egg in the basket.

"Yes." He paused again. "I actually came here as a favor to him." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."

"About what?"

And into the speech he went. How Victoria will be mad about him killing me, and how it was nothing personal, blah blah blah. Typical movie villain. I wonder if they plan these things.

I probably should've been far more worried than I was. But I couldn't bring myself to care this time. I'd had just about enough of this vampire bullshit.

"I'll be very quick."

_I'm happy for you_, I almost said. But that might've gotten me in trouble.

"Mouthwatering."

**_Detox just to retox _**

I closed my eyes as I felt a blunt hit to the back of my neck. Someone in my head giggled.

_Time to play._

_A/N: So, boys and girls, want more? Drop me a review if you do. But feel free not to, or to flame. I don't believe I'll mind if you do. Next chapter should be up real soon—like, tomorrow, soon._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Back again, children! Here for another dose of fun twisted fanfic! Much less ado about nothing this time. Remember, I totally screwed with Bleach to make it easier for those of us who haven't read it to understand. Plus I didn't want to write all the extra shit. Yeah. Have fun. _

_Sorry, this chapter is mostly explaining what happened to Bella, but during the next chapter the fun stuff will start happening._

_*****__hums idly__* oh hell yes… I'm a nervous wreck... Oh hell yes… The drugs just make me reset... Not once for the Father, twice for the Son, three times for the Holy Ghost…_

_right, right… I disclaim everything you recognize for the rest of eternity. So don't bug me in future chapters. If you know Bleach, picture Ichigo's sword. If not, then go to my profile for a picture. Joy, peace, love, all that stuff._

_anyway, onward!_

I watched my body fall… but I remained standing.

Laurent drank greedily, unaware that I was still standing with a chain coming from the middle of my chest, binding me to my old body, through which twinges of pain came occasionally.

_Well, what are you waiting for, Bella?_

I whipped around to find a tall woman with dark red hair grinning at me.

_Cut that chain._

Suddenly in my hands was a thick, beautiful sword with an intricate handle. I pressed my thumb to the blade and a sliver of blood appeared.

Beautiful.

I smirked as I brought the sword down with an almighty crash to sever the chain.

Laurent's head jerked upward at the sound, and his eyes went wide. I jerked my limp body up by the bleeding chain and smiled at him.

"What? Surprised?"

I brought the sword down with a flash, severing his arm from his shoulder. He screamed… and I smiled.

I liked that sound.

He charged at me, tossing my body aside, his teeth slashing my soul's neck… hurt like a bitch, but I was enjoying myself far too much to let it slow me down. I threw him off, running after him and shoved him to the ground, my bare foot holding him down by the neck. I pressed my sword, blade down, into his throat.

I was faster now, wasn't I?

Yes. I liked this.

"You feel that? That's right. Savor it. It'll be the last thing you feel." My neck was burning and I bared my teeth in a grin as I pushed my sword down, his head quickly broken from his body.

I didn't stop there. My breaths quickened into pants as I cut his limbs from his body, tore fingers from hands, broke bones and cut them into pieces. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed… and never questioned why. His pain—it felt like heaven. Then, at last, I fell.

Venom was burning through me, through my soul and body alike. I lay on the ground, writhing, staring into the dark eyes of the woman who'd appeared in the meadow as I died. She walked toward me and her cold eyes were the last I saw as my world went black.

* * *

I awoke once more, in a comfortable position, with cool hands giving me water and brushing my hair from my face. I opened my eyes to stare into the face of that woman… the voice in my head.

"Wha… what—" She shushed me and gave me some more water. I swallowed halfheartedly, watching her warily, realizing I was still in the meadow. She smiled in amusement at my suspicious eyes—her teeth were pointed.

"You're probably expecting an explanation by now," she sat back on her knees, face serious now but eyes still strangely mirthful. I say strangely because there was something very wrong with the way her facial expression formulated a smile. It was the type of look a person who was criminally insane gave. The look that said that pain, that suffering amused her.

This didn't frighten me nearly as much as it should have.

"Yeah, I'm expecting an explanation!" I spat out. "Wouldn't you, if your soul was magically disconnected from your body, only to dismember a vampire, the strongest being on Earth and still be _alive_?"

"No need to get pissy," she bared her teeth in a grin again. "It was just a comment."

"So what's the explanation?" I ground out impatiently.

"You might want to fuse with your body again before I start talking."

I glanced at my body, collapsed several meters away, warily. "I thought the whole cut-the-chain thing kinda… you know, separated us."

"Again, just a suggestion," she shrugged. "You know, if you don't want to die."

"My soul's already separated from my body, and I think, for the time being, I'll keep it that way." Why would I give up this feeling of overt… _freedom_ for the grueling confines of my old body? There was probably venom burning through it still, at any rate. "How much more dead can I get?"

"Once more, fuse before I start talking."

We both stared stubbornly at each other before I gave with a sigh, walking over to my body where I stood before it for a minute. I suppose, if dead, I couldn't exact my revenge. And I certainly, if possible, did not want to repeat this experience of looking at my body from a source outside. With gritted teeth I touched it, only to be violently sucked in and almost knocked silly because of the head rush. Stars flickered in front of my eyes as I attempted to sit up, my limbs feeling heavy and cumbersome when I moved.

But there was no pain.

I was perfectly fine with that. Hopefully this too would be in this stranger's great "explanation," which I should be about to hear, since I fulfilled my part. I turned to her expectantly.

She'd positioned herself carefully on the grass, lying on her stomach and picking at the grass some distance away from me. She looked curiously innocent now, her short, sharply cut hair blowing in the wind while she played with the daisies. But her eyes still flashed from so far away.

"I would assume that, by now, you've realized that I was the voice inside your head."

I nodded.

"Most people chalk these little guiding voices up to their inner selves, their source of reason. And they are. _We_ are, I should say." She tilted her head and looked me in the eye. "I am a part of you."

"W—what do you mean?" I asked, trying and failing to keep the nervous shudder out of my voice.

"I am your sword."

"_What?_ A human can't be a sword," I rationalized fervently.

"Exactly. I'm not a human." She stood and walked toward me, a grin growing on her face. "I'm not human, nor vampire, nor… well. I'll save the third for later." She laid a sharp-nailed hand on my cheek. "I am you."

She turned quickly at my confused face, walking back to where she was. "That chain attaching you to your body was called the Chain of Fate. If you could survive the separation of your soul from your body, then you could evolve into what we are now."

"And if I couldn't?"

"Then you would have died," she shrugged carelessly. "There's a big difference between separating your soul and body, and dying. You merely separated. This solidified your will to live… your will to fight." She bared her pointed teeth.

"My name… is Nemesis." She put a hand to her chest. "And I am your weapon, born of your will. You are a soul reaper. Should you ever need me, whether as a sword or as a guide, all you need to do is call my name."

I shook my head furiously. "I still don't understand. Why did this happen? All because I wanted to live now?"

"More than that," my sword suddenly appeared in front of her, and she pulled it from the ground. "Do you see its size, Bella? Your sword's size represents your amount of spiritual energy. This, this _power_ was inside of you, but you couldn't pull it out of you until you realized it was there. The reason you couldn't connect with average humans was because you aren't an average human. And this started a vicious cycle in which you couldn't discover your own power because you believed yourself worthless, all because humans were repelled by such uncontrolled power. Only when you started to get a grip on your power you were able to make friends and acquaintances. Do you remember the first time this happened?"

I thought back. "When… I moved to Forks?"

"Exactly. You had a fresh start, with no one to put you down. And then _Edward_ came," Nemesis spat his name like a swear word. "And your self worth fell until you were nothing but a puppet of his, controlled by false words and affectations. When the strings were cut you fell down a well of darkness, where your own power turned on you and began to eat you from the inside at the mere mention of its destroyer's name. Your depression wasn't normal, Bella, because you're not normal." Her eyes were fierce now, but beautiful. "You're better than normal. _We're_ better than normal. We're powerful. And you owe it to yourself to show that side to the world."

"I think I could learn to like you, Nemesis."

"And I think I could learn to like you too. Now that you've woken up." She smiled. "But there's something else. You were bitten."

I snorted. "I noticed."

"But both your soul and body were bitten. This would mean you would be a more powerful vampire, ordinarily. But we're not human, are we?" She twirled a lock of blood-colored hair around her finger. "Your soul reaper's powers overwhelmed the venom since you were in your most powerful form, but you were separate from your body at the time, so I'm afraid your body has undergone a rapid transformation during the course of the last few hours. I doubt that you will ever be expelled from your body again, unless the circumstances are dire. But now that you've awaken, and awaken me, there is a very simple solution to using your powers."

"Which is?"

"You've already done it," she smirked. "I had you fuse your soul and body. Had you not, your body would have remained behind and your soul would only be able to be seen and contacted by other supernatural beings. But by fusing, your powers are always at your hand. One of these is the ability to mask your vampirism, by appearance and scent. I'm not so sure about diet… I know _I_ prefer blood, but you may enjoy both human food and blood. You can take off your disguise at will. However if you get very angry you will automatically lose your mask, so try to control yourself. Or not, I couldn't care less. Means more blood for me at any rate." She licked her pointed teeth.

"Can I still use my powers with the mask?" I asked eagerly. I was beginning to like the sound of this deal.

"Sure, if you want. Using them without the mask packs a bit more of a punch, though."

I blinked, realizing something. "Wait… if you're my sword, how come you can _hold_ my sword?"

Her smirk widened. "Because, Bella, darling, I'm not truly here right now."

And at once she was only a voice in my head again, my sword pulsating in my hand. It slowly dissolved into the wind, a fading voice echoing in my head. "Remember… should you need me, call my name. But most importantly… remember, we are one."

_We are one._

I fell back with a heavy breath, shocked. This strange, powerful being—Nemesis—was a part of me. Born of me. Hell, she _was_ me.

Nemesis—goddess of revenge.

She really was me.

I looked down at my body, my new body. I rose and ran to the stream, there before I realized I decided to move, watching a perfect face smile up at me from the river. And once the face was broken by an insane grin and I flopped back onto the grass, examining the pale skin, the narrower waist, the generous curves, everything I had always wanted. I could destroy the world, destroy my tormentors, without even exhausting myself. I could see his face in my head, twisted with fear as I showed him just what he gave up.

A little smile appeared on my face, and grew, and grew, until I was laughing like a madwoman while wind whipped around me, blowing Laurent's powdered remains throughout the meadow. I could smell them, I thought gleefully. I could smell them.

My laughter sounded louder and louder until insanity rang through, and I leapt up and slammed my fist into the ground, destroying the perfect symmetry of my only sanctuary with a crater. I screamed with joy, flitting around the field at speeds unknown, toppling trees and feeling the wind tear through my hair as I ran up the sides of birches, flipping in the air and landing lightly on my feet.

At last, I had power. At last, I was strong.

At last, I was steel.

I ran all the way home, ready to take the world by fire.

_A/N: Yay! Now the fun can start! I will pretty much be writing New Moon/Eclipse with this new Bella. See how she takes Jacob leaving, the revelations with the wolves, and most importantly, will she ever find out Edward's true intentions? You'll have to hold on for a little while but I'd like to think you won't be bored. Next chapter up as soon as I can write it! Kisses!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: YAAAAAAY I'm back! I got really caught up in Bleach last night so I didn't have time to type this chapter until now, so cha… _

_Remember I have an eternal disclaimer! Mwahahahahaha!_

_Woo… I'm a little tipsy from reading all that Bleach… anyway enjoy!_

Midway through the forest something dashed across my line of vision.

Easily faster than it, I changed direction, taking to the treetops instead of the ground and giving chase.

What the—this thing was _huge_. Composed of rippling muscles, shining fur, and sharp teeth, I saw no threat posed in it. A smirk spread across my face. Already my new instincts were setting in.

This must be the fabled "bear." But it was no bear; that much was clear.

It was a wolf.

It ran aggressively in the direction I'd come; I could hear its massive nose snuffling and growls rolling out its throat. It followed my path almost exactly, all the way back to the meadow, where it skidded to a stop. It trotted carefully up to where I'd punched a crater in the ground, sniffing cautiously at Laurent's remains.

Then something I wasn't expecting happened.

The wolf shrank and its fur dissolved, the spine straightening and shortening and the snout compressing until there stood…

A human.

He kneeled down and took one of the larger fragments in his hand, looking closely at it, even smelling it. Suddenly he dropped it with a look of fear and disgust, taking a lighter from where it and some clothes where tied around his ankle, tossing the flaming piece on to the rest of the pile. It went up in flames while he suddenly morphed into a wolf again and took off.

Ready to follow it, I glanced quickly up at the sky, and cringed. Charlie must be panicking by now. I'd have to leave this new development for later—I'm sure I could find those things… werewolves… again. They certainly had a unique stench.

Irritated, I turned around. It just fucking figured that vampires and soul reapers weren't the only freaks in this town. What was wrong with this place, anyway? Was this the norm or something?

Well, it didn't matter anymore. Had I been a human, I may have had something to worry about. But I wasn't.

If they posed a threat, I would destroy them.

Simple as that.

I carried my own car home instead of driving—its speed was nothing compared to how fast I could run now. Evading sight, I arrived a block from home and pulled into the driveway, slipping on my disguise as I went.

Hm. On the outside this human body seemed far inferior, but the sheer harmlessness of its appearance made my power all that much more surprising, which was surely a plus.

Crap—Charlie's police cruiser was in the driveway. Looking up, I realized that I'd been gone for much longer than I'd been aware. The sun was already setting.

"Bella?" Charlie called my name as I walked in the door, not bothering to lock it. I didn't have anything to fear anymore.

"Yeah, it's me."

He appeared in the kitchen doorway, expression thunderous. "Where have you been?"

Oh, great, he must've called Jessica's house. May as well start damage control. "I was hiking," I said honestly.

His eyes were tight. "What happened to going to Jessica's?"

"Calculus wasn't holding its usual appeal, if you can imagine."

He looked surprised at my easy sarcasm, but attempted to gain back his authoritarian anger. "I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest."

"Nothing happened, I'm fine." Seeing this far from alleviated him, I added quickly, "I won't do it again."

"You better not," he muttered, at last surrendering so he could study me more thoroughly. "I was worried sick, with that bear on the lose and everything…"

I could've told him about the wolves—but I figured if they were werewolves, they definitely weren't about to be taken down by some small town policemen. And if they, and not Laurent, were responsible for the murders in the forest, then I needed to be prepared.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me as I turned around to go upstairs.

"Nah, just tired,"

"Hey," he said again, sounding suspicious once more. "Didn't you say that Jacob was gone for the day?"

"That's what Billy said," I answered, turning around, confused by the question.

He studied my expression for a moment, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there. "Huh."

"Why?"

Well, it's just that when I went to pick up Harry, I saw Jacob out in front of the store down there with some friends. I waved hi, but he… well, I guess I don't know if he saw me. I think maybe he was arguing with his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And… different. It's like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him."

"Billy said Jake and his friends were going up to Port Angeles to see some movies. They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them."

"Oh." With that, he finally gave up on the third degree and headed into the kitchen.

Walking upstairs, I contemplated Jacob arguing with his friends. He must've confronted Embry about the situation with Sam. Maybe that's why he ditched me today, and if it meant that he could sort things out with Embry, I guess I could pardon it.

I entered my room, my thoughts wandering to this afternoon and Laurent. If I could take care of him that easily, surely Victoria could no longer be considered danger either, right? Well, who knew. I knew what lengths a broken heart could drive you. I was living evidence.

But of one thing I was sure: I would not be beaten by her. The mere idea had my eyes narrowing and my teeth bared. If I couldn't take the average homicidal vampire, I wasn't any better than I was when I was human.

And I was never going back.

_Nemesis_. I called her name in my head, and she appeared before me, a dark smile on her face at the request she knew I was about to make of her. An identical grin spread on my face, my voice strong as I said but two words:

"Train me."

* * *

My first sleepless night passed in a blur, as did the next, and the next. I could feel myself getting stronger with each night as I learned how to trust my body, how to use and trust Nemesis, how to fight opponents stronger than me and win. I was a fast learner, she said. I had to be, I had replied. And we worked still harder.

I was changing, and not just in abilities. Charlie saw the differences every day, and I could tell he was confused, but didn't question. He merely smiled at me when I would come down for breakfast, enjoying the fact that I would talk to him now, that I felt again.

As good as things were going, over the duration of that week, one thing hadn't evaded my notice: Jacob hadn't contacted me at all. The little part of me inside my heart, the old, needy Bella, missed him terribly. But my prominent feeling was anger. Sure, I appreciated the extra training time, but you can only train so much. I was a vampire, after all. When I reached my maximum potential, I would maintain it for the rest of eternity. It was just a question of training until that point, which I was determined to reach in as short a time as possible.

But during those breaks, I missed him. I missed having someone to laugh with, things to laugh at, someone who was a link to all the positive things about being human—his carefree laugh, his infectious grin.

I half expected him to call on Monday. Wouldn't he want to report any progress made with Embry, if that was what had happened? But no call came.

When I called on Tuesday, nobody answered. And on Wednesday, I called again, limiting myself to calling twice, but again, nothing.

By Thursday, I'd resolved that if he was going to ignore me, I would ignore him. I didn't need a friend like that.

On Friday, while driving home from school, something occurred to me. It made sense, when I put everything together… Jacob's avoidance, Billy's vague and unhelpful answers.

Sam Uley must have gotten to him.

My mindset was immediately grim. There was obviously only one answer: to go to La Push, rescue Jacob, and beat the shit out of Sam and his groupies. Then I would knock some sense into Jacob, and the order of the universe would be restored.

Or… or I could call Charlie, and let the police bust Sam's ass. That had a certain amount of satisfaction involved, and might be a better choice this mission involved convincing Jacob on leaving the gang.

Calling Charlie ended in failure. Sam had them all wrapped around his little finger, but I didn't buy it. I called Billy again only to be reassured that Jacob was with Embry, confirming my suspicions.

Well, it looked like I would have to go with option 1, then.

I gunned it and sped into the forest at the pathetic pace my truck was capable of making, and as I approached the edge of the forest I could see a tall boy wearing a baseball cap.

It wasn't Jake, that much was obvious. But I was fairly sure it was Quil that was walking alone on the road. He looked even bigger from when I'd last seen him. My lips twisted. Unnatural freaks, all of these Quileute boys.

At any rate, I felt bad for him, now that all his friends had been sucked into Sam's gang. I crossed over to the other side of the road to stop next to him.

His face looked bleak when he looked up, nothing compared to the cheerful kid I'd seen hanging around Jacob a few weeks ago. His brow was creased with worry and his eyes dark with brooding.

"Oh, hey, Bella."

"Hey, Quil." I leaned out the window. "You alright?"

His dull face darkened. "Fine."

"Can I give you a ride somewhere?"

"Sure, I guess." He climbed in around the other side, not really meeting my eyes, just staring straight ahead.

"Where to?"

"My house is on the north side, back behind the store." He instructed.

There was a morose silence. "So… have you seen Jacob today?" I asked.

The silence prevailed for a moment. He stared out the window gloomily. "From a distance."

"From a distance?"

"I tried to follow them—he was with Embry." His voice was low, but my heightened senses picked it up, even when masked. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone—I think Sam and his crew might have been with them. I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up."

"So Sam did get to him." My voice was hard.

He stared at me. "You know about that?"

"Yeah. Jake told me… before."

"Before," Quil repeated, and sighed.

"So Jacob's just as bad as the others now, huh?"

"Never leaves Sam's side."

I hummed thoughtfully. "And before that—did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?"

He spoke quietly and roughly. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him."

"Hmm." Well, whatever this little club was, I would take care of it. It felt good, to have the power to fix things now. And to use the power for something that was right, unlike… my teeth gritted. "Do you think it could be drugs or something?"

"I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that… but what do I know? What else could it be? And why aren't the old people worried?" He shook his head, and suddenly he looked afraid, staring at me for the first time. "Jacob didn't want to be a part of this… cult. I don't understand what could change him. _I don't want to be next_."

His face tugged at my heartstrings, and my resolve hardened. I wouldn't let these guys terrorize him any longer. "Are your parents any help?"

He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Uley is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned."

A grim silence reigned once more, and at last Quil said, "I'll get out now. My house is right over there."

I pulled over, and he jumped out. I watched him leave, saying quietly, "I'm going to wait for Jacob."

He didn't look particularly confident. "Good luck," he slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, shoulders slumped.

I turned around, tearing off towards Jacob's house. It was stuffy, inside and out, so I rolled down the windows, killed the motor, kicked my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait.

_Get ready, Nemesis. We might finally get some action._

_

* * *

_

I spied Billy peering out his front window some time later with a confused expression. I waved and smiled genially. His eyes narrowed; he let the curtain fall across the glass.

Sensing more movement, I looked up to see Jacob moving towards my car. I froze.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" He growled out.

The change in Jacob since last week was, quite frankly, shocking. His long hair was gone, sheared off, leaving a cropped, almost military-style haircut. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened… aged. His neck and shoulders had thickened, and even his hands were bigger as they gripped my window frame.

But that wasn't the truly startling part… it was his face that stopped me in my tracks. All that joy that had resided in his face, the open, friendly smile, the sunny warmth in his eyes, had morphed into a brooding resentment that was just so _not_ Jacob it threw a wrench in the gears of my mind.

I looked down, away from his face, letting my hair fall and cover my eyes. I couldn't resist the small smile that spread over my face.

Well, if this was how he wanted to play, I could more than match him.

Because my sun may have imploded, but his pale, fragile little Bella had hardened into marble.

And I was far more dangerous than him.

I looked up with that same, dark smile on my face. "Well, hello, Jacob."

The tense anger in his eyes loosened to shock. I looked him straight in the eyes, raising an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"N-no," immediately the mask was back up, and he fell silent. I looked coolly behind him to see four other boys, built just like him, hair cut just like him. I snorted audibly. They really were like a cult.

Of wannabees.

I could see Sam in the back, differing only by age. His eyes were serene and calm, overseeing with unwavering confidence. I locked eyes with him purposely, my smile widening and my mask slipping every so slightly so he could see my pointed canines. His eyes widened minimally.

Not so confident now.

I slipped my mask back on before anyone could catch a scent, returning my attention to Jacob.

"What do you want?" he repeated hostilely. I stretched, gently removing my feet from the dash.

"I would like to talk to you, but I'd settle for talking to the whole club, if it makes you more comfortable," I sneered.

One of the boys looked furious, literally trembling with anger. I looked him up and down, dismissing him and getting out of the car. Sam laid a hand on his shoulder and said, "I think it best that you talk to Bella alone, Jacob."

He turned and walked into Jacob's house, the others following him obediently.

"Okay," Jacob looked marginally less livid when the others were gone, but in addition to the calm was a sense of hopelessness. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners.

However, looking down at me, he seemed more confident. I smirked mentally. Underestimation was such a blessing in disguise.

"You know what I want to know, don't you?" I asked, my voice lilting.

He merely stared at me bitterly, not answering.

"Hmm," I hummed absently, gesturing before me. "Shall we?"

I led us to the fringe of the trees, stopping before him with a hand on my hip as I looked at his impatient face.

"Let's get this over with," he muttered.

I waited, quite patiently, for me.

"It's not what you think." He sounded suddenly weary. "It's not what I thought—I was way off."

"Really," I drawled. "So what is it, then?"

He studied my face for a long moment, contemplating. The anger never completely left his eyes. "I can't tell you," he said at last.

"I thought we were friends," I replied coldly.

"We were." I didn't miss the emphasis on the past tense.

"But you don't need friends anymore," I tilted my head mockingly. "You have Sam. Isn't that _precious_—and you've always looked up to him so much."

"I didn't understand him before."

"And you understand him now."

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can." His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning in his eyes.

"_Naturally_ he's helping you," I spit out.

He was ignoring me again, taking slow, deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He was already shaking with fury.

"Listen to me, Jacob. Tell me what's wrong. I can help you."

"No one can help me now," The words were a low moan; his voice broke.

"What did he do to you?" I demanded, reaching out to touch his arms.

He cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. "Don't touch me," he whispered hoarsely.

"Why? Is Sam catching?" My voice was beginning to rise now, and I could feel myself getting angrier.

"Stop blaming Sam."

"Then who should I blame?"

He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing. "You don't want to hear that."

"The _hell_ I don't!" I hissed. "I want to know, and you're going to tell me."

"You're wrong." He snapped back.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong! Tell me whose fault this all is, if it's not your darling Sam!"

"You asked for it," his eyes glinted, his voice rough and straining. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, _reeking_ bloodsuckers that you love so much?"

My mind went blank.

Vaguely I registered that his face was hard, furious, not a trace of indecision to be found.

I heard myself say frigidly, "I don't understand who you mean."

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

_I don't like hurting you_. The words echoed in my head; my body ground out mechanically. "I don't understand who you mean."

"The _Cullens_."

_I don't like hurting you_.

Lies.

_I don't like hurting you_.

All lies.

_You are my life now_.

Never. Again.

I could feel the mask slipping, my body trembling, I could feel my teeth sharpen in my mouth, my muscles harden.

"Bella?"

_You lie_.

"Bella!"

"_You lie!_" I screamed, my eyes a bloody red. I could see him, too shocked to be angry now, too stunned that his precious Bella made of glass had hardened into steel. I hissed through my teeth, my hair whipping from the effort of restraint.

Why was I restraining…?

I fell to the ground, a torturous, jagged pain in my breast once more, the breast I'd worked so hard to harden, the heart I'd worked so hard to repair.

Again. It had happened again.

"Bella…"

"Leave."

I could imagine him, removing his extended hand, but I could still sense him. At least I wasn't so far gone. I looked up from my cradling hands, my eyes flashing.

"You wanted to leave so badly. So leave. Leave me."

"Bella…"

"_I never want to see you again!_" I screamed. "_Leave!_"

He stumbled back, standing there for a minute, looking back with tortured eyes, before turning around and trudging into the house.

I lay there.

I hadn't been steel. I hadn't been marble. I hadn't been anything. It took one last broken heart to show me that trusting was for mortals. It took one last wound to show me to be merciless.

I could feel power in me again, so much harder than before, so much fiercer than before; Nemesis was telling me to get up, that we'd train again. Next time…

No.

There would never be another next time.

I picked myself up, walking towards my car in the rain, never looking back.

_A/N: I know, long chapter this time. But I hope you enjoyed it. I worked hard for you! ___ Anyway in the future: will Bella truly never forgive Jacob and Edward? Stay tuned for the next installments and drop me a review while you're at it!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Right-o back again for more stuffiage…_

_Big ups to my reviewers, BrokenheartedBella and Sorrows-Litany! I looooove yooooou! Thanks so much for reviewing my story!_

_Also, for this story: I have over-simplified kido for the sake of not wanting to make up long incantations or different names for the kido used. You'll see, for those of you who are Bleach-virgins._

_This chapter's inspiration was the song hell above water by curve (yes. Doctoroctogonapus.)_

_Anyway, on to the next chappie… _

I arrived home a few minutes later, praying I wouldn't run into Charlie. I wasn't all too sure that I'd be able to control myself. Because as angry as I was at myself, I was far, far more angry with Jacob. If there was one thing I've learned in the last few weeks, it was that I needed to stop blaming myself for everything that went wrong in my life. It was time I started blaming the people who deserved it.

Charlie was waiting on the porch for me. I slammed on the breaks as I pulled into the driveway, only realizing how fast I was going when I had to pull to a stop. He walked out to meet me.

"Billy called. He said you got in a fight with Jake—said you were pretty upset," he explained as he opened my door for me.

He unconsciously stepped back at my facial expression, which I'm sure was still livid. I sighed, trying to calm myself down. "That's not exactly how it happened."

After a moment he put his arm around me and led me into the house.

"Then what did happen?"

I smiled bitterly. "According to Sam Uley, Jacob isn't permitted to be my friend anymore."

Charlie's eyebrows pulled together. "You really think there's something wrong with this Uley kid?"

I shrugged. "Well, what do I know." There was something definitely off about the whole situation, something I was quite sure I didn't want Charlie investigating for me. I needed to handle this myself. Just today, Sam seemed weirdly… familiar to me. And I wasn't sure that was a good thing. "I'm going to change."

He nodded. "Okay."

Worried though Charlie was about me, I could see his quiet relief that I was merely angry about this fight, and not devastated. I snorted mentally. I was pretty relieved myself.

I took a long shower; washing away the dreadful afternoon I had. Putting on my pajamas, I sat down on the floor, cross-legged. Closing my eyes, I began what would turn out to be long conversation with Nemesis.

* * *

I did most of my training in my mind that night. Although—or perhaps because—Nemesis was me, she knew everything there was to know about different kinds of combat and how to unlock one's own power. I once ventured to ask her how she knew all this, and she said that this was all pulled from my instincts and festering powers. An interesting thought, to presume that I knew all this from the start, but I was still thankful to have some sort of teacher figure, even if it was myself. I worked better with encouragement.

Somehow I was more determined than ever to reach my maximum potential, and Nemesis could sense that. She worked me harder than ever before that night, and I could tell it was the first of many.

But I was improving. There is no better way to train, both mentally and physically, than fighting yourself. She taught me the various ways I could channel my spiritual power—_zanjutsu_: swordsmanship, _hakuda_: hand-to-hand combat, _hoho_: flash steps, or invisibly fast movement—faster than vampires, and _kido_: spells. Now I could call Nemesis in her weapon form without calling her name; I merely had to make a drawing motion and she was in my hands.

I planned out a schedule for myself—training my mind was more important than training my body, so I reserved the nights for that, in addition to the fact that it was best to remain in my bedroom on the odd chance that Charlie decided to check on me (which had happened before). Of course, part of some nights were reserved for hunting. I found my thirst a minor irritation, easily quenched, and sometimes simply not present, because human food still appealed to me. After school was reserved for physical training.

Nemesis was having a serious conversation with me about the necessity to learn something called _bankai_, which she said would unlock both of our true power, and its many unique forms, when I was abruptly called back into the physical world by a sound like fingernails on glass. My eyes snapped open and I immediately donned my mask (I usually kept it off during nighttime hours). I wanted to take whoever this intruder was by surprise.

I could feel Nemesis getting excited. There was power boiling in my veins like blood, and I bared my teeth in a grin at the prospect of Victoria coming for a "visit." Undoubtedly she was shocked and curious about just what had killed Laurent, but still confident that I was still a weak human. I could feel my breath speed at the idea of a fight—at last, a chance to use all the things I'd been learning. Yes, she would come in, entirely consumed with arrogance, and then she'd grasp the smell of a vampire. Idly she'd wonder who's scent it was. Then I would appear, unsheathing Nemesis in one smooth draw, and bring it down on that flaming head before she could—

"Bella! Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

I stopped my fantasizing at that voice—the _wrong_ voice.

I shrugged. He'll do.

I opened the window and stepped back into the shadows.

"Bella? You in there?"

_Obviously_, I sneered mentally. _Who else would open the Goddamn window?_

"Bella?"

After a moment, I saw him begin to swing his legs back and forth, looking as though he was trying to increase his momentum. Hell, maybe he'd kill himself trying to jump from the window to my house and my work would be done for me.

Nah, that wouldn't be any fun.

To my surprise, he swung agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with a low thud. He looked around in confusion, finally seeing me in a corner of the room, which I must admit also surprised me. I wasn't aware that he could see so well in the dark.

But I'm not one to waste time.

Using my flash step I spun out, delivering a hard kick to his forehead, then one to the back of his knees. He toppled over, shocked.

"_Sai_. [Restrain]" Jacobs arms were locked behind his back, and his feet clenched together, but it was hardly necessary: he looked too stunned to move.

I smirked. Too easy.

I sauntered up to him slowly, drawing out Nemesis, and pointing her so her shining tip just barely brushed his Adam's apple.

"Bella?" He whispered.

"Were you expecting someone else?" I asked coolly.

"What—what—"

"Oh, is Jacob surprised?" I said scornfully. I'd never felt so good. "Not what you expected, is it?" I leaned down so we were almost nose to nose.

"What happened to you?" he whispered.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and Jakey," I mocked. "I bet you thought you'd come in here and find my crying over a nightmare I had about you leaving me. Then you'd swoop in like my knight in fucking armor, say you're sorry, and make everything better."

"That's not—" He protested feebly.

"Yes it is, you fucking sexist liar. I can see it in your eyes. You felt bad for what you did, so you thought that your sweetly spoken apology would bring me running into your arms." I was beginning to pant in anticipation. "Well, not this time. Never again. You… you and Edward taught me that the only way I could live my life… was… _ruthlessly!_"

I took the blunt side of my sword and smashed it against the side of his face, leaving an angry bruise. He yelped, and I heard Charlie snort.

"I think I want to play with you," I hissed. "So let's take this outside, shall we?"

I took him by the collar and crouched on the windowsill, springing off and letting go of him as I jumped. I released the _kido_, so he landed on his feet, but put another on him that kept him in place.

"Let's make a deal," I slinked towards him, smirking. "I let you go, and we fight fairly. What do you say to that?"

"Bella, you need to listen to me," he pleaded. "That's what I came here to talk about. I could seriously hurt you."

I narrowed my eyes. "It's a bit late for the warning, Jacob," my voice was slowly lowering to a whisper now, to my chagrin. "You've already seriously hurt me."

No. I would never cry for him again.

In the time it took for me to release the _kido_ I rushed towards him, feeling no remorse as I slammed my fist into his stomach. I met more resistance than I expected, but not enough to deter me—he collapsed and I perched on his back as he fell to the ground on his knees.

"Giving up already?" I sneered. His body was trembling.

I took him by the shoulder and pushed him over so he was lying face-up. "I'm surprised," I told him quietly. "I didn't even need my sword."

"Bella," he choked out, a trickle of blood coming from the corner of his mouth. "Please… let me explain… and then I'll let you do whatever you want with me. I promise."

"Remind me why I should give you a chance to speak."

"Because I'm your friend!"

"I'm sorry, I thought you _were _my friend." I hissed, throwing his words back at him.

"Please, if you'll let me explain, I promise that you'll see the reason I lied to you. And it was a lie, everything I said. Then you can do whatever you want."

I bound him again, just to see him restrained, then sat down next to him reluctantly. "Well, let's hear it, then."

His face stiff with pain, he hesitated slightly. "I came back because I felt like I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

I listened, so far unimpressed.

"I know you probably don't understand what's going on with me right now, and I want to explain—" He broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like someone had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. "But I can't explain," he said, looking angry. "I wish I could."

"Then _why am I listening to you_?"

"Just—please! Listen for just a little longer," his eyes looked both panicked and furious at the same time. "Haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone? A secret that wasn't yours to tell?"

I looked down at him coldly. "You already know that secret."

"Listen," he said desperately. "Do you remember the first day we met—on the beach in La Push?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about it."

I spoke in a detached manner. "We went for a walk on the beach…"

He nodded encouragingly. "You told me scary stories… Quileute legends."

His eyes bore into mine. "Yes." The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. "Do you remember what I said?"

I nodded.

"Do you remember _all_ the stor—" He couldn't finish the question. His mouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat.

"All the stories?" I finished for him.

He nodded mutely.

Irritated, I thought back. I admit, I wasn't at all eager to remember what he'd told me—it brought back memories of back when I was still blind. But I picked my mind over, my memory far better than it had been when I was human, searching for the answer…

"_Another legend claims that we descended from wolves—and that the wolves are our brothers still… You would call them werewolves."_

And suddenly it all made sense. Right after I'd seen the wolves in the forest, he'd changed. Every time I'd seen him after that, he'd been shaking with anger, a… beast… in his eyes…

I leapt up, shocked.

"Do you get it now?" his voice was dreadfully tired. "Do you remember?"

I stood back, unable to speak. He stared at me, that same fury in his eyes, but a sadness was there, too. "Yeah. That's what I thought you'd say."

I was quickly getting pissed off again. I sheathed Nemesis, still feeling power pulsing in my veins where blood should be. With a whispered incantation I cancelled the _kido_.

He staggered upward, looking down at me. Abruptly he looked away, jaw clenched in anger. "I guess I'll just…"

I punched him. He fell over again, and I stood over him, crossing my arms.

"_Jesus_, Jacob, you're such an idiot."

He picked himself up, glaring. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why didn't you just _tell_ me, you moron?" I turned away, my arms still folded petulantly across my chest.

"Because I knew _this_ would happen."

"Knew _what_ would happen?" I looked at him over my shoulder, a small smile growing on my face. "That I'd punch you for not knowing you could trust me?"

A spark of hope came alive in his expression. "You mean—"

"I run with vampires, you big dumbass," I grinned. "If you think that morphing into a giant wolf would freak me out, you obviously don't know me as well as you thought."

(At any rate, I figured, with the whole werewolves-hate-vampires thing, I'd leave the mask on and save that revelation for another day.)

I put my hands on my hips, sighing irritably. "Sure, you cheated me out of a good fight, I'll admit, but I'm sure there'll be others to look forward to—"

I was cut off as I was caught into a tight bear hug.

"You really, honestly, don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" he asked, his voice joyful in my ear.

"No!" I flailed my arms. "Now get off before I punch you again!"

He let me go, laughing, and as I looked at him, I realized something. "Wait a minute, buddy. You're not off the hook yet."

"I'm not?"

"Charlie said that the 'bears' in the forest have been killing hikers—"

"Oh, that wasn't us," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "Those are the bloodsuckers we've been hunting."

"I see," I muttered.

"Speaking of bloodsuckers," he eyed me apprehensively. "Would you mind telling me just what the hell happened to you?"

"I think I would mind, actually," I replied sweetly.

"Okay, then—wait, what?"

"I'm not quite in the mood to tell you what happened to me," I said, turning around and strolling back towards the house.

His voice sounded aggravated now. "That's not fair! I told _you_—"

His exclamation was cut off by my sword in his face. "I think I'll be the one calling the shots from now on, m'kay, Jakey?"

He nodded quickly.

"Sounds good," I sheathed her once more. "Now, since I had to guess what you are, it's only _fair_"—I smirked—"that you should have to guess my identity. So good luck with that. I've got training to do. I can come by tomorrow, if you like. That should give you enough time to figure it out, yeah?"

"I… guess."

"Fabulous." I waved at his stunned face. "Toodles."

With that, I ran up the side of the house into my bedroom, and waved to him again cheerily from the window before shutting it decisively.

I sat back down to continue my chat with Nemesis, content. I might not have gotten a fight, but I got a friend back.

And more importantly, Jacob was now completely reassured as to just who was in charge.

_A/N: Jeez, this took me awhile to write! Well, I kept getting distracted by the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya… just started, and just learned the Hare Hare Yukai… anyway, hope you liked it! Drop me a review if you care_ _about my sanity__!_

_Oh, one last thing… I'm not exactly sure how long it takes for Jacob to heal, but I'm going to say by the next day his stomach/ribs will be merely tender, and by the next day's sundown he'll be fine. Good? Good._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Back again, children! Odoroita, we have two new reviewers: Sydneeannmarie and darlene10104! Thanks so much for taking the time to review! Cyber-cookies! _

_Eh… I'm not entirely sure whether I angstified or de-angstified New Moon at this point… whatever! ^_^_

_We'll keep this AN short and sweet today… enjoy!_

I went to visit Jacob early the next morning, wanting to give him as little time as possible to guess my identity. I waited until just after Charlie left, then drove like a maniac to La Push. And no, I don't mean I drove like Edward when I say I drove like a maniac—I mean I swerved between the lanes, turning the radio up as loud as it could go, jerking early commuters out of their morning daze. I cackled at them through the windows.

I'll admit it. I was glad I had my friend back, okay? And I was ecstatic to know that he hadn't betrayed me after all.

The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I was eager to wake them all up (just because I'd forgiven him didn't mean I couldn't wreak a little havoc as revenge). I knocked perkily on the door.

"Come in," I heard Billy call after a moment, and a light flicked on.

I let myself in, catching sight of Billy leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic.

"Well, good morning, Bella. What are you doing up so early?"

I smiled at him happily. "I'm here to pet the doggy!"

He stared at me, eyes blank with shock. "Um… I, uh…"

I sighed long-sufferingly. What is it with humans these days? No sense of humor. "Jacob. I'm here to see Jacob."

He looked me over uncertainly. "I'd bet he's still asleep," he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He's out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest—you probably shouldn't wake him."

Sleeping on the job. Tsk, tsk. "I'll just have a peek, if you don't mind. Then I'll leave. Could you tell him I'll be waiting for him at the beach?"

"Sure, sure," he agreed.

"I'll be happy to drop by later if he's unavailable, too," I added cheerfully. Billy saw right through my sugarcoated threat.

"I'll tell him."

"Awesome. Fabulous." I started off towards his room, opening the door and looking in.

He was still wearing the same black cut-off sweats he's worn last night. He lay stretched diagonally across the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges. Even on a slant, it wasn't long enough; his feet hung off one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. His face was peaceful with deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary. Pity pricked at the outskirts of my mind.

I approached his bed quietly, smilingly patted his head a few times, turned around, and left.

Billy watched me with curious, guarded eyes as I bounced back into the front room. "All right, I pet the doggy. I'll be off—you just remember to tell him where I am!" I wagged my finger playfully at Billy, who seemed to be in a permanent state of shock now. I ambled toward the door, waving to him over my shoulder. "See you, Billy!"

I peeled out, tires screeching; I could see Billy still staring at me from within the house. I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark, but I didn't mind. Walking down the path on to the beach, I was thankful I was no longer mortal, because the temperature would have been decisively chilly. There was no one there, so I skipped down the beach toward the north seawall. It would be a beautiful morning—although, admittedly, I felt that nowadays I may find many things beautiful that I didn't before.

Through the darkness a long bone-white driftwood tree materialized, stranded deep on the rocks. Surely it wasn't the same tree Jacob and I had our first conversation by, but it reminded me enough of it. I jumped from rock to rock, making a little game of it, laughing probably far too much for such a mundane activity. I stood on the highest rock, arms out, feeling the wind like I was flying.

"Bella!"

I turned around to see Jacob come laughing out of the darkness. "What are you doing?" he called.

"Playing pretend!" I called back. I jumped off the rocks and landed before him. "So. Did you figure it out yet?"

He immediately looked sulky. "No. For the life of me, I have no idea. You didn't give me any time, for one thing."

"Not my fault you're slow." I giggled.

He looked at me, confused. "Speaking of changes… when did you get all… you know…"

"Happy?" I filled in teasingly. "When I realized that Edward was the one that made the mistake. Not me. He's the one missing out. All I realized was that I was _worth_ something."

He rolled his eyes. "I could've told you that."

"It's something I needed to figure out myself." I admonished.

He smiled. "Well, it's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back!"

"But you never told me—"

I waved a hand. "Yeah, yeah, I know. The whole point was that you're supposed to guess." I cut him off as he was about to protest. "I know, I know. The thing is, I'm fairly sure that I'm rare, seeing as I haven't ever heard of this myself."

_One of you is born every thousand years_.

"Well, that's not all that rare, then," I answered her out loud just to see Jacob's reaction.

_Only one of you has ever transformed into a vampire, and he was killed during his transition period, so he had no time to fight back._

"That's unfair."

Jacob looked nervous now. "Bella, who are you talking to?"

I drew Nemesis. "Remember this?"

"Oh yeah."

I snorted. Yeah, you wouldn't forget Nemesis when she was inches away from your jugular. "I should really be saying, remember her."

I held her out, letting go as she began to glow brilliantly. With a magnificent flash she changed from her weapon form to her human form. She landed on her feet lightly, dressed in the same black kimono as she always was, and turned to face a flabbergasted Jacob. She bowed courteously. "Nice to meet you."

"Wh-wh-what-" Jacob stuttered, astonished. "Who the hell is that?"

Nemesis straightened, putting a hand on her hip and raising a sharp eyebrow. "That's not very polite,"

We exchanged smirks.

"This is Nemesis," I threw my hands out and presented her like a showgirl. "She's my sword."

She held her hand out for him to shake, face deceptively emotionless. He glanced first at me, unsure, then reached his hand out, only to yelp and draw it back like he'd been burned. Just before their hands had connected she'd changed hers into a blade.

We both cracked up.

"That's not funny," He said sulkily, eyes flickering between us warily.

"Aw, come on, she didn't even nick you," I snickered. "You're lucky she decided to be blunt."

We exchanged another look, then broke down in giggles again.

"Will one of you please explain just what is going on here?" he asked loudly, face irritated.

"I told you. She's my sword."

"That doesn't explain anything. What _are_ you?"

"You might want to sit down for this," I said instead, stalling. I leapt back towards the rocks, perching myself on one cross-legged. Nemesis walked up to me and vanished in another flash of white light.

"Where'd she go?" Jacob asked.

I tapped my forehead. "In here."

"What—"

"I'll explain now, if you'll give me the chance." I looked to him pointedly. He sighed, zipping his lips with his fingers, sitting down opposite me.

I took a deep breath. "I'm what they call a soul reaper. Nemesis, my sword, isn't just that—she's a manifestation of my soul's power. She was born of my own will…"

I explained it all to him, managing to leave out the part about being bitten, saying I was merely in one of my moods one day when I'd heard a voice talking to me in my head. He nodded, taking it all in remarkably calmly—but really, what right did he have to judge? He was a fucking werewolf.

There was a silence when I'd finally finished explaining the basics of what I was, editing some things—I was immortal, far stronger than I had been when I was human, and able to wield various magics.

In other words, I could kick his ass around the block.

"I have just one question," he said quietly. "Would you happen to know anything, then, about the remains of the vampire we found in the forests around Forks?"

"Oh, yeah," I answered automatically. "That was me."

"_That_ was _you?_"

I raised an eyebrow. "You doubt me?"

"No, on," he said hastily. "I was just… surprised, you know. Looks like you've got a lot of power in that little body."

"So in other words, you doubt me. Do I have to remind you of just how pwned you were last night?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," his eyes took on a certain smugness. "You just caught me by surprise last night. That means nothing."

I could feel Nemesis perking up. "So you think you could take me?"

"I think I could _beat_ you."

I grinned, jumping up. "Let's go, then. Morph."

He stood as well, looking hesitant. "Wait, first I need to know just what happened with Laurent."

"Fine," I sighed. "I was just hiking again, feeling restless, when I came into this meadow, and there he was." I shrugged. "He fed me your typical conversation about how it was nothing personal, just thirst, he'd be quick, blah blah blah. I let him think I was still human, acted all scared till the last minute, chop chop, done."

"It was a bit more than a chop-chop, wasn't it? More like a chop-dice-slice-ginsu knife-maschetti."

I looked up at him indignantly. "I just got a little carried away, okay? Besides, I didn't have any matches on me."

"Well, you do realize that's our job, right? We're protectors. We exist because they do." His face was serious now, worried. "But lately we've been a little too late—they always get to the hikers first." His face lightened temporarily. "I guess we should name you an honorary member of the pack, seeing as you killed a leech for us."

"I'm surprised that _you_ could kill one of them."

"Oh, please," he rolled his eyes. "It's chasing them that's the hard part. Once we've got them, it's easy as pie. Especially if it's just one." He looked down. "But there's something else I need to tell you, about this whole thing."

I waited impatiently.

"It's not… entirely safe for you to be around me, Bella."

"Pardon me?" I asked incredulously.

"If I get too mad… too upset… you might get hurt."

I gave him an unmoved look. "So if you're too mad, you turn into a wolf?"

"Yeah."

"Once this conversation is over, I'll show you just who needs to be afraid." I huffed. "But you forgot one last thing. If Laurent is dead, then someone's killing people now."

His eyes flicked to mine, and away. "There were two. We thought his mate would want to fight us—in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate—but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But—"

"She's after me," I cut him off. I could feel anger, tight and hot, building in my chest. "Her name's Victoria, and she's not Laurent's mate. They're just friends. Edward killed her mate, James, and she's still after me—a mate for a mate. She doesn't know that it's not like that anymore." I tried to calm myself, clenching and unclenching my hands as power shook them rapidly. "But I want you to leave her to me when you find her… this one's personal."

"I can't do that, Bella," he told me somberly. "But what you just said is important. It's exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away."

He began to pull me back toward the truck, but I stood my ground. "Wait just a minute!" I insisted. "What do you mean, you can't do that? You will do that, or I will _make_ you!"

"Now isn't the time!"

"Oh, I think now is the perfect time," I crossed my arms. "If you and your little werewolf club won't let me fight her, I'll find her myself."

"Can we discuss this later?" he pleaded. "After I tell them?"

I deliberated, dragging it out as Jacob squirmed nervously. "Fine," I said at last, glaring at him. "But don't think I'll forget—hey!"

He yanked me up and towards the truck.

"Where are we going?" I demanded.

"I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "I'll call a meeting. Just wait here for a minute, okay?"

"Where are you going?" My eyes lit up. "Are you going to change?"

"Yeah," he answered gruffly.

"I'm coming with you."

"No you're not!"

"Yes—"

"It'll take me two seconds! I'll fight you later—later today, if you want, just hold on one minute!" He dashed off into the trees, leaving me sulking next to the car.

Honestly… and he said he wasn't sexist.

When he came back, I immediately bombarded him with questions. "Where did you go just now? Why couldn't I come with? Why'd you go into the woods? You're such a sexist, you know. I could take you and Victoria, at once, with my arms tied behind my back—"

"Slow down, will you?" He sighed. "I just went into the woods there because I needed to contact the others. You see, when we're wolves, we can sorta… hear each other. Not, like, hear sounds, but hear each other's _thoughts_—no matter the distance. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing—having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?"

"Not really," I said, already wanting my other questions answered.

"I just wanted to make sure it was cool with Sam. I was afraid he's tell me I couldn't bring you."

"You act like that would have stopped me."

"Well, it would have stopped _me,_" he said morosely, explaining just how official Sam's word was.

"And by the way, I'm not a sexist!"

"Yes you are, you big hairy jerk. 'Oh, Bella, I'm not sure if that would be safe—oh, Bella, I think I could beat you—'"

"They're here," he interrupted.

They emerged from the trees, looking just as ludicrously similar and synchronized as they did the last time I saw them. There were four of them, their faces immediately changing from serenity to rage as they saw me. I smirked and waved.

"What have you done, Jacob?" Sam demanded.

One of the others, one I didn't recognize—Jared or Paul—thrust past Sam and spoke before Jacob could defend himself.

"Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob?" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell were you thinking? Is she more important than everything—than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"

"She can help," Jacob said quietly.

"Help!" the boy shouted. His arms began to quiver. "Oh, that's likely! I'm sure the leech-lover is just _dying_ to help us out!"

"Don't talk about her like that!" Jacob shouted back.

"I can defend myself, Jacob," I murmured.

A shudder rippled through the other boy, along his shoulders and down his spine.

"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded.

Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he was trying to concentrate.

"Jeez, Paul, get a grip," one of the others said, probably Jared.

Paul twisted his head towards Jared, his lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in my direction. To my irritation, Jacob took a step to put himself in front of me.

That did it.

"Right, protect _her_!" Paul roared in outrage. Another shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.

"Paul!" Sam and Jacob shouted together.

Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded.

Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five times his size. His dark, enraged eyes focused on me.

I felt Jacob move beside me, but I was faster. As Jacob ran across the road, leaping forward and diving into a phase, I had already sprinted between him and Paul, drawing Nemesis smoothly against the wind created by my own speed. As a sharp tearing sound broke through the air, Jacob changed into a massive, russet brown wolf.

I blocked Paul from Jacob's gargantuan teeth with Nemesis, crouching behind her to use all my strength as I pushed Jacob away—which turned out to be far too much.

He flew all the way back across the street and into the woods on the other side, only the friction of his claws against the ground preventing him from going farther. Unremorseful, I stood fully, facing Paul.

"Forgive me, Jacob," I called back at him, unable to hide my cold smile. "But I believe this is my fight."

_A/N: sooo I decided to post 2 chapters at once b/c I'll be leaving for Trinidad eeeeearly tomorrow morning and won't be back for 10 days… sorry! But I promise when I get back I'll work hard! Thanks for your support!_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Eternal disclaimer, made-up kido, ass-kicking Bella._

_Oh, and I skip any descriptions of things already known, like Emily's house, because I'm LAZY. Yeah. _

_Oh, and about the gayness mentioned… she's not actually serious. But if the mere idea squicks you, you might wanna stop reading here, as it's mentioned as a joke. Enjoy!_

I only got a glimpse of the other fours' stunned faces before Paul charged. My eyes narrowed, and I dodged to the right, not even bothering to use flash. Out the corner of my eye I saw Jacob running back toward us; a quick incantation, a hand thrown out, and he was blocked by an invisible shield. I turned as Paul skidded around and ran for me another time, taking the blunt side of Nemesis and slamming her into his side; he was blown back across the road into a tree. He slid down the side of the birch. I watched to make sure he wouldn't get back up.

"Th-that's enough," Sam stepped in. He looked down at me like he'd never quite seen anything like me before… and he probably hadn't. "Jacob and I can handle it from here…" he hesitated. He jerked his head towards the woods with a look to Jacob. I released the _kido_ and Jacob trotted over, looked at me for a minute, then picked Paul—who looked downright shellshocked—up by the scruff of his neck and dragged him into the woods. "Take her to Emily's," Sam muttered at the others, then ran into the woods, kicking off his shoes as he went.

I turned around. The other two boys stood staring at me. One of them had his mouth open. I raised Nemesis—they all flinched—and let her vanish in her telltale flash of white. I raised an eyebrow at them as they merely stood there and watched me.

This was the problem with men, you see.

"So you guys going to take me to this Emily or what?" I asked at last, walking over to them.

They stepped back a little as I approached. I rolled my eyes.

"G-get Sam's shoes, will you?" Jared mumbled, bending down and picking up strips of fabric from the ground. Embry jogged into the trees while Jared wadded the shredded clothing into a ball.

Once the boys were moving again, suddenly I was bombarded as they all returned.

"Holy shit!"

"What the hell happened to you, Bella?"

"You just pwned Paul!"

"That was unbelievable."

"Where'd you get the sword from?"

"Did you really kill that bloodsucker from the meadow?"

I held up my hands. "One at a time, please?" I sighed, answering all their questions in turn. They chattered in excitement once they were over the shock.

"Paul's going to be so pissed when he gets back," Jared said with relish, looking at me with something like hero-worship in his eyes.

"Let's go see Emily, I'm hungry." Embry looked down at me. "Mind giving us a ride?"

"Mind giving me instructions?" I asked sarcastically, walking around to the driver's side. I heard them talking as I climbed in.

"You think she could take Jacob?"

"She'd kick his ass." Jared said confidently.

"I _would_ kick his ass," I agreed.

"Yeah, right!" Embry disagreed. "Did you _see_ Jake? Even Sam couldn't have phased on the fly like that."

I rolled my eyes. "I already asked him to fight me, so we'll see."

"Come on, she caught Paul by surprise. I'll bet you ten bucks Jacob gets her by the neck."

What was it with people saying I caught them by surprise? They just didn't want to admit they'd been beat.

"You're on. Jake doesn't have a prayer." They shook hands, grinning. Embry climbed in the passenger seat.

"You'll have to ride in the back," he told Jared.

"That's fine."

Embry directed me back toward the village.

"Hey, how did Jake get around the injunction anyway?"

"Excuse me?"

"Er, the order. You know, not to spill the beans. How'd he tell you?"

"I'd seen one of you the other day when I killed Laurent," I shrugged. "I put the pieces together."

Embry pursed his lips, looking surprised. "Hmm. S'pose that would work."

"So who's Emily?"

"Sam's fiancée. They'll meet us back there after Sam gives it to them for what just happened. And after Paul and Jake scrounge up some new clothes, if Paul even has any left."

"Does Emily know about…?"

"Yeah. And hey, don't stare at her. That bugs Sam."

I frowned at him. "Why would I stare?"

Embry looked uncomfortable. "Well, you already know hanging around werewolves has its risks." He quickly changed the subject. "It's good that you killed that black-haired bloodsucker back there. We didn't want to start anything, break the treaty, you know."

"Why would killing Laurent break the treaty?"

"Well, we were technically on Cullen turf. We're not allowed to attack any of them, the Cullens, at least, off our land—unless they break the treaty first. We didn't know if the black-haired one was a relative of theirs or something."

"How would they go about breaking the treaty?"

"If they bite a human."

I almost laughed. "Good thing I wasn't one anymore, then."

He grinned at me. "Yeah."

We pulled into a narrow dirt road with a tiny house at the end of the lane. Embry opened the truck door and inhaled. "Mmm, Emily's cooking."

Jared jumped out of the back of the door and they both entered without knocking. I followed behind them, still somewhat irritable over the fact that Embry thought I couldn't take Jacob. A young woman with satiny copper skin and long black hair was standing at the counter by the sink, popping big muffins out of a tin and putting them on a paper plate. For a second I thought the reason Embry told me not to stare was because the girl was so beautiful.

Then she asked, "You guys hungry?" in a melodic voice, and she turned to face us full on, a smile on half of her face.

The right side of her face was marred by three thick, red lines, still bright in color even though long healed. One pulled down the corner of her eye, another pulled the side of her mouth into a permanent grimace.

As I turned my eyes to the food in her hands, she asked, sounding surprised, "Who's this?"

"Bella Swan," Jared told her, shrugging. "Who else?"

"Leave it to Jacob to find a way around," Emily murmured. She stared at me, and neither half of her once-beautiful face was friendly. "So, you're the vampire girl."

"Are you the wolf girl?"

She laughed, as did Embry and Jared. The left half of her face warmed. "I guess I am."

"Well, she's not the vampire girl anymore, Emily," Embry snickered. "She killed one."

"What?" she asked, shocked. "How?"

"With her sword of ultimate epic death, Nemesis. So don't piss her off."

Emily smacked him on the head. "Don't tease."

"Yeah, Embry, don't tease," I smirked, waving Nemesis a few inches from his face. "Someone might cut that cheeky tongue right out of your mouth."

Nemesis took up almost the whole room when I took her out. Emily's eyes just about bugged out of her head. I put her away carefully, smiling at Emily genially.

"I'm not going to ask just yet," she said after a moment, putting the muffins down on the table. "But I expect a full explanation from one of you." She turned to Jared. "Where's Sam?"

"Bella… er… surprised Paul this morning."

Emily rolled her good eye. "Ah, Paul," she sighed. "Do you think they'll be long? I was just about to start the eggs."

"Don't worry," Embry told her. "If they're late, we won't let anything go to waste."

Emily chuckled, then opened the fridge. "No doubt," she agreed. "Bella, are you hungry? Go ahead and help yourself to a muffin."

"Thanks." I took one from the plate and swallowed a good half of it at once. It was great.

"She even eats like a guy," Jared muttered. I decided to let that one slide. Embry picked up his third and shoved it into his mouth whole.

"Save some for your brothers," Emily chastised him, hitting him on the head again with a wooden spoon.

The front door opened while she was mixing the eggs in a big yellow bowl, and Sam stepped through.

"Emily," he said, his voice saturated with love. He crossed the room in one stride and took her face in his wide hands, leaning down and kissed the dark scars on her right cheek before he kissed her lips.

I turned my head away. My temper was boiling again.

I used to be that. The domestic girlfriend, maybe even one day fiancée. Letting a man touch me and kiss me because I believed the lies that spilled from his mouth.

But love was for the weak. I had no doubt that they were both good people, but they were weak.

I was strong, too strong for any innately misogynistic man to play around with me for physical gratification and temporary emotional attachment. And that was all it was, in the end. The man wooed the woman with pretty words and promises, and she fell for it, thinking she was loved when she was just being used.

I wouldn't fall for that again.

"Hey, none of that," Jared complained. "I'm eating."

"Then shut up and eat," Sam muttered, kissing Emily's ruined mouth again.

"Ugh," Embry groaned.

I did my best to reign myself in until Jacob and Paul came in. Men were good things to have as friends, but in the end romance just wasn't an option.

Maybe I should consider the fairer sex.

I almost laughed out loud at how the Cullens would react if I ever told them I was a lesbian.

Jacob and Paul came in, laughing, tussling playfully. They both stopped when they saw me, but only for a moment. Paul came over to me, ignoring Jacob's warning look, and grinned.

"You're kind of a beast, you know that?"

I grinned right back.

"Rematch sometime?"

"You're on," he offered his fist, and I tapped it with my own.

Jacob walked up to me, grabbing two muffins as he went. "Hey, Bells," he greeted cheerfully. "Paul was right about before, you know. Very impressive."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Thanks."

"But that was Paul. I could beat him easily."

"You wanna put your money where your mouth is?" Paul called from the other side of the kitchen.

Jacob ignored him. "So if you're still up for that fight—"

"Still up for it? You're going down, my friend." I took the uneaten muffin from his hands. "If you like, I'll tie my hands behind my back."

"Let's not make this too humiliating for you," he teased.

"Fine. I was going to go easy on you, but you're just asking for it now," I looked him over. "Hey… what happened to the ribs I broke yesterday?"

Embry's eyes went wide as saucers and Jared looked at him smugly. "It's not too late to withdraw your bet."

"Shut up," he muttered.

"I'm fine. Wolf thing."

"So I'll really have to kick you while you're down, then," I glanced up at him with a smirk. "There's still time to set rules. You sure you don't want to limit me to hand-to-hand combat?"

"I'll take you on, freaky spells and all."

"Hey, guys," Sam said in a loud voice, interrupting all the conversations going on in the small room. "Jacob has information for us."

"I know what the redhead wants." Jacob directed his words toward Jared and Embry. "That's what I was trying to tell you before." He kicked the leg of the chair Paul was sitting in.

"And?" Jared asked.

"She _is_ trying to avenge her mate—only it wasn't the black-haired leech Bella killed. The Cullens got her mate last year, and she's after Bella now."

Familiar anticipation settled in as he spoke.

Jared, Embry, and Emily stared at me with open-mouthed surprise.

"She's just a girl," Embry protested.

"You wanna say that again?" I muttered.

"I didn't say it made sense. But that's why the bloodsucker's been trying to get past us. She's been heading for Forks."

They continued to stare at me, mouths still hanging open, for a long moment. I looked determinedly at Jacob, but he avoided my gaze.

"So we'll be changing our patterns," Sam said. "We'll try leaving a few holes, see if she's falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after Bella, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."

"Quil's got to be close to joining us," Embry murmured. "Then we'll be able to split evenly."

Everyone looked down.

"Hold on just a minute," I interrupted. "If you're not going to be evenly split, then I should definitely join in the hunt."

"Bella, I said no," Jacob growled.

"Are you in charge of me, Jacob?" I asked him coldly.

"This isn't some play-fight, Bella—"

"Oh, so you think I was just playing with Laurent, then?" I snarled.

"She has a point, Jacob," Sam put in. "If she joined us, we'd both have a means to lure out Victoria and have teams of balanced numbers."

Jacob's eyes flickered from me to Sam, and after a moment, he nodded tensely.

"All right," Sam continued in a businesslike voice. "Paul, Jared, and Embry will take the outer perimeter, and Jacob, Bella, and I will take the inner. During the night it'll just be Jacob and I. And that way we won't have to worry about watching Bella's house,"

I was dying to say I didn't sleep anymore, but I knew that would sound suspicious, so I held my tongue.

Sam caught my eye. "Jacob thinks it would be best if you spent as much time as possible here in La Push. She won't know where to find you so easily, just in case."

"And Charlie?" I demanded.

"March Madness is still going on," Jacob said. "I think Billy and Harry can manage to keep Charlie down here when he's not at work."

"Fine, sure." I agreed. "But I want to make one thing clear." I looked around at them all, feeling heat pumping through me at the words I was about to say. "When we find Victoria, I want you to leave her to me."

"We can't do that," Sam cut in immediately.

"No," I disagreed in a quiet but firm voice. "This has a personal value to me. She's mine."

"Bella, this is our job—to protect the reserve. Besides, this one's different from the dark-haired one you killed—"

I could feel my control slipping. "So you think I can't handle her, is that it?" I hissed. "You think I'm too weak."

"That's not what I'm saying—" He protested.

"That's exactly what you're saying!" I snarled back. "And you're not the first one to tell me—at least, not in so many words." I sucked in a deep breath.

"Jeez, Bella, don't go pulling a Paul on us," mumbled Jacob, putting a hand on my shoulder. Paul threw him an irritated look as I shrugged off Jake's hand.

I looked to Sam stubbornly. "If you won't let me have her, I won't work with you. Simple as that. I'll find her myself."

He stared down at me studiously. "Why does she matter to you so much?" he asked me softly.

I glared right back into his eyes. "That… is none of your fucking business."

There was a tense silence. At last Sam smiled slowly. "All right. I understand. Since I can't guarantee we'll leave her to you when we catch her, you are under no obligation to assist us on our patrols. However, we'll leave the protection of your home to you, and if she's on the Cullen's side, she's fair game between us. How's that?"

"Fine, I guess," I agreed sullenly. I figured I wouldn't get a deal any better than that.

"Food's ready," Emily announced then, and the strategic conversation was history.

After the wolves devoured the food, I pulled Jake aside.

"So, before you patrol," I said conversationally. "You ready to get your ass kicked?"

He grinned at me. "Bring it on."

_A/N: In the words of Justin Timberlake, "And that's it!" Hopefully you liked it… I know this chapter wasn't very eventful, but as the original storyline picks up, so will mine. Review even if you hated it! Flame me if you like, I don't mind! It's all feedback!_

_See you in 10 days! Bye-nee!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: waaaaah! I'm such a bad child! Bad bad child! I can't believe I've left this alone for so long… school is crazy… Thanks to Freefallinggone, BrokenheartedBella, Sydneeannmarie, darlene10104, Manaliac, JazzofPalePhoenix, BaronessOfShadow, and Reluctant Twilight Fan! You're all such sweethearts! I looooove yooouuu!_

_Wooooh, still riding on the high from seeing the SEVENTH HARRY POTTER MOVIE PART 1! Saw it in New York at six o'clock on the 18__th__ in imax, then saw it again last night, then saw it again today! IS ANYONE ELSE THRILLED TO PIECES? I LOVED LOVED LOVED IT! I'LL TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT SO MESSAGE ME!_

_Sorry, I'm a huge Potterhead. In fact, it's rather shocking that I'm writing Twilight fics instead of Harry Potter, b/c it's kind of my life. I can't even tell my friends that I'm writing for Twilight, they would eat me.  
_

_Anyway, on with the story!_

Sam okayed a quick fight before we left, so we went out into a wide clearing in the forest. Jared, Embry, and Paul followed, obviously eager to see who'd win. After waiting for Jacob to go around the corner to change—he wanted to save the meager amount of clothes he had—he leapt out from behind, obviously meaning to catch me by surprise. I blocked his attack with my forearm easily, and he flew back, far back, almost into the trees. We circled each other for a moment; Jacob growled, and I grinned. The boys egged us on in the background.

"Come on, wolfie," I murmured. "You're going to need those healing skills when I'm finished with you."

He charged, barreling towards me at just over the speed of a vampire. I could feel Nemesis's cold, brutal instinct settling within me, joining us so we were truly one, my mind functioning like an automaton.

_Dodge_. I leapt to the right. _Kick_. I jumped into the air, spinning around quickly, my foot landing with a crack on Jacob's back. He whimpered a bit, and a part of me that still wasn't engaged winced for him, but Nemesis crowed in triumph. The unengaged part of me ordered myself to be fair and wait until he got up before attacking again. He got to his feet, shaking out his fur, snarling at me. I smirked.

This time he didn't charge head-on; he feinted to the left before going for my right. Still too slow—I dived downward, pushing off the ground with my arms and slamming into his stomach with my feet. He flew into a tree and landed on his back. Still without flash, I was there within the thinner side of a millisecond, pinning him to the ground by the neck. His claws flailed, aiming for the side of my face; I blocked one, taking it and squeezing it just hard enough to fracture.

"We done here?" I asked smugly.

With a low exhale, he went limp.

I got up, letting him trot defeatedly into the forest to phase. He returned, wincing and sullen. "Damn, Bella," he grumbled. "We are _so_ having a rematch."

"Quit being a pussy and admit I won."

He threw up his hands. "Fine! You won. You won."

"Damn straight I won!" I screamed. "I just _beat_ your naked wolf ass! You were just _pwned_!"

"Shut up," he muttered, glaring at his snickering friends.

Jared held out his hand to Embry, face smug. Embry scowled. "I'll pay you tomorrow," he muttered.

"You better."

"All right, all right, that's enough," Sam stepped in. "We've got work to do."

"You sure you can patrol tonight, Jakey?" I cooed. "That hand looks a little tender."

"I said shut up."

"Well, if you all need help, just give me a holler," I said, smirking. "Our little agreement notwithstanding, I still back up my friends."

"Duly noted," Sam gave a little smile.

"See you tomorrow?" Jacob asked.

"Sure thing." I waved, heading back towards the car as they disappeared into the woods.

* * *

I arrived home to Charlie, who once more met me at the door. "What's going on, Bella?" he demanded immediately. "I thought Jacob was part of a gang and you two were fighting."

"We made up," I shrugged casually. "And I said I wasn't sure about the gang thing. It was no big deal."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I met Sam Uley and his fiancée, Emily. They seemed pretty nice to me. Must have all been a misunderstanding."

His facial expression softened. "I hadn't heard that he and Emily had made it official. That's nice. Poor girl."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"Mauled by a bear, up north, during salmon spawning season—horrible accident. It was more than a year ago now. I heard Sam was really messed up over it."

"I can imagine," I muttered.

He left me alone after that; I told him I was going outside for a little fresh air. I walked out the back door, around to a path I hadn't walked for a long time.

The footprints were long gone, of course. Remnants of another time. I smiled bitterly, looking up at the trees.

What had he said to me?

Hm. It was useless, asking myself such questions. Because as much as I wished to, I could never forget.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

I would never forget.

"Goodbye, Bella."

I closed my eyes. I had run after him, hadn't I? Calling for him. Calling his name.

"Take care of yourself."

Of course. I always ran after him.

"You are my life now."

I opened my eyes, and they flared red in the darkness.

"_Bankai._"

* * *

Time was starting to pass more quickly. Spring break came and I visited Jacob more often than not. Although I wasn't in school yet, I was slowly integrating myself back into my old circle of friends. It was strange, how well I could connect with my old human friends, when I, myself, was not human. But otherwise, I trained. I trained hard. I trained hard enough to make Nemesis _smile_.

And if you didn't know, that's pretty damn hard.

But school—it came to me easily like this. My memory, as a vampire, was infallible (it was amazing how much I forgot I was a vampire; my mask was nearly permanent for safety's sake). Charlie was happy again: he saw a contented daughter with perfect grades. He nearly cried seeing me study for my Calculus test over the break.

However, I think I was beginning to worry Jacob.

It was Wednesday afternoon, and at his request, I stopped by his house, only to discover he still wasn't home. In a huff, I went into the forest and proceeded to continue training (according to Nemesis, time spent not practicing was time wasted).

I was feeling frustrated. Nemesis had told me that my _bankai_ was something unique to me only, something that maximized my potential in battle. She told me that my _bankai_, in particular, was something, and I quote, "delicious."

Naturally, I was _dying_ to see what it was.

But it refused to show itself.

After setting up protective _kido_ around the area, I took a deep breath, focusing with all my strength, letting my mind be dominated by serenity, the type of serenity that comes with bloodlust.

"_Bankai_."

An explosion. Debris blasted outward from where I stood, confined by invisible walls and settling on the ground. The sound could have vaporized the eardrums of an average human, had I not put up wards. But besides all of this, besides the dust dyed black lying at my feet, and my burning red eyes, there was nothing.

"Why, Nemesis? Why doesn't it work?"

_You must trust me, _she murmured, her whisper echoing in my ears. _I tell you this every time. I promise, when you use it in combat, it will not fail you. You simply must practice._

"But why? Why can't you tell me what it does?"

_The time is not right…_

I hissed in fury. The time was not right, the time was not right. The time was never right. I let out a scream of frustration. It had a strange, ghostly quality to it, roaring and eldritch. The black dust jumped into the air again, swirling like miniature hurricanes, my frustration manifesting itself as power in the confined space.

"Bella!"

Jacob's muffled voice called my name from outside the walls. I turned, only to be blinded suddenly.

_You must not look!_

Nemesis had flown from my mind into existence, her thin hand covering my eyes.

"What the hell, Nemesis?" I snarled.

"Jeez, I didn't think your sword would be one for such modesty, Bells," Jacob laughed, his voice distorted by the barriers.

I took down the _kido_ and sealed away my _bankai_. Nemesis removed her hand, looking down.

Jacob smirked at us from across the way, buttoning his pants, his mirth not quite enough to mask the worry in his eyes.

"Was he what this was about, Nem?" I asked. She didn't answer, vanishing silently.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He walked toward me, peering down into my eyes. I looked away, irritated.

"You've been training a lot, huh."

"Your point?"

"It's spring break. Shouldn't you be taking it easy?"

"Shouldn't _you_?"

He sighed. "Maybe we both need a break."

I was silent.

"Tell you what. I'll take tomorrow off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun."

Honestly, training was fun. I told him so.

He rolled his eyes. "You need some _real_ fun. Hmm…" He stared out into the dark ocean, speculating. His eyes lit up. "Got it! Another promise to keep."

"What are you talking about?"

"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?"

My lips tightened. I remembered the reason I wanted to do that.

Or, I should say, I remember the reason the old Bella wanted to do that.

Well, I can tell you for sure that I was not going back to the old Bella. And that included not bowing to weakness. Because as hard as I was working, there was still that small, weak part of me that urged me to go, to hear his voice one last time.

But no. Nemesis and I smiled, unanimous. There was no need. I would hear his voice plenty enough, one day.

One day, he would scream.

"How about this, Jacob," I suggested. "Why don't we save the death-defying stunts for when it's a bit warmer. Let's spend the day inside. You need some rest. We'll rent some movies, eat some pizza or something. I'll even do your hair."

"Great," he rolled his eyes, but looked relieved all the same. "It's a date."

We really needed to clarify this whole relationship thing.

When I arrived in the morning, Jacob had gone after Victoria. Furious that no one had called me, I went out after their trail, but my sense of smell with my mask on was far duller than it was without it, and I couldn't risk becoming a vampire just in case the wolves smelled it. So I traced them as best I could, knowing I'd be too late for any action.

But it didn't matter. The wolves didn't catch her, just as I suspected. And life went on.

Yes. Life went on.

Until one day.

One day, when I was finally arriving at the peak of my potential. I was close. So close. Close enough for Nemesis to let me take a break from my training.

Satisfaction was coursing through me, matched with the usual frustration. Curiosity over my _bankai_ continually ate away at me, but it was bearable. And I was proud of myself. I had come a long way.

One day, I'd be able to find who made me this way, and show him what he left behind.

I laughed quietly at the thought. Maybe I should spare him. After all, it's thanks to him I've come this far.

_Your development's delay is also his fault_, Nemesis growled. Merciless, that one. God, I love her.

It was a Saturday evening. Charlie was down at La Push, so I knew he was taken care of. I was lying on my bed, reading _Interview with the Vampire_.

Now, Anne Rice, there's a woman with rich writing. It was amazing, the way she captured the suffering and experiences of a creature of which she knew nothing. Louis reminded me a bit too much of _him_, for my liking, however. Lestat and Claudia suited my tasted.

I was contemplating this, thinking about the parallels between a woman's fantasy and my reality, when I heard it.

It was just a rustle at first. That's all. A rustle, too soft for human ears. Like a whisper just outside the window.

I donned my mask immediately, just in case it was Jacob... or Victoria. Standing, I backed to the other side of the room, tense.

"B-bella?"

That voice.

"Bella."

That voice. That voice like velvet, a voice that I'd only heard in my mind, a voice that sounded far more broken than it used to.

I lifted my head. There he was. A beautiful dream. And that's all it could be, a dream.

A nightmare.

I lifted a pale hand, walking forward, my limbs strangely numb. Nemesis was silent in my head. I was alone.

I was alone.

"Bella, it's me."

I touched his chest carefully, exhaling softly. Cold. A cold nightmare.

Or a dream?

"Bella?"

His icy hand reached up, touching my face, just a light stroke with the back of his hand, just like he used to.

Ah, so cold.

With the force of all my power, feeling slammed back into every part of my body, and I shuddered visibly, my hand clenching his shirt as my breath sped.

I saw an unnatural whiteness spreading down my arm, down my body, my senses sharpening, my eyes darkening. I could smell him, smell that scent like fresh flower blossoms, hear his gentle breathing under my touch. My hand was white now, tendons strained, shaking.

"Bella?"

His words were suddenly of a different pitch, his horror stretching them through my ears. I felt smile spread across my face, and the blackest joy I'd ever felt coursed through my body.

I tilted my head up, ghostly tears flowing from my eyes.

"Welcome back, Edward."

I pounced.

_A/N: I know, you hate me for cutting it off, you'll kill me if I don't update, blahdiblahdiblah. Or maybe those are just my fantasies. Why don't you leave a review and boost my self esteem, yeah? Sounds good. I'll be a little more responsible with the next chapter, hopefully, but a lot's been going on—my parents have been fighting, I've been obsessing over Harry Potter, I've been trying to figure out a certain relationship… but there should be more, b/c to be honest, this is definitely a vent fic. That's probably why the writing's so bad ^_^  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: I know, I'm shameless, putting up a chapter so late. Sigh. Thanks to an anonymous reviewer (Ashley?) who really, really scared me (if you're not the Ashley I think you are, then thanks loads for the review! But if you are that Ashley, when the hell did I tell you my account name? **panic panic** you better not tell ANYONE I wrote a fic as bad as this one! You scared me to DEATH!)_

_Thanks again to ElorianGoddess, darlene10104, lionnara, Manaliac, and maybe Ashley (if you're not the fracking psychopath I think you are) and anyone else I didn't mention who reviewed! You make me feel loved and inspired to update! I love you too!_

_Oh, and um, I happen to be looking for a beta… you know, help me clean things up a little, smack me around a bit when I take too long… any takers? You'll have to teach me a bit about the system, tho, I dunno how it works… pm me or something…_

_Song recommendations for this chapter (the songs I wrote the chapter to, actually): Over the Clouds by alan dawa dolma (first half of the chapter), and Hyperballad by Bjork (second half, and I understand if you're not a Bjork fan, she's an acquired taste)_

_Enjoy enjoy enjoy! Eternal disclaimer! Peace and love!_

I pounced.

His stricken eyes would be forever in my memories. I threw him out the window, so hard he slammed into a tree a couple hundred feet away.

He slid down to the ground, shellshocked. I walked slowly towards him, tasting his fear in the air, savoring it, loving it.

"You're—you're a vampire," he gasped out, his beautiful face horrified.

I simply smiled coolly, continuing to approach him.

"How?" he asked, begged. "How? Who did this to you?"

I was silent, standing just before where he sat.

"What happened to you?"

I knelt, taking his face in my hands. I dug my nails into his cheeks, my only want, my only _need_, to mar that perfect face. His brow contorted, he stared me in the eyes.

"Edward," I breathed. "Edward, Edward, Edward. So you've returned."

I stepped back, releasing his head, turning away, walking back. "Why?"

"There's something—there are many things I want to say to you, Bella," he whispered. "But the first thing I wish to do is apologize."

"Apologize," I laughed softly. "Apologize." I echoed.

"_Apologize!"_ I screamed suddenly, and he flinched back.

"Oh, you wanted to apologize," I muttered, pacing quickly around the perimeter of the forest. "I see, you would like to apologize to me." I threw up my hand, and he jumped, but I merely threw some kido into the air. He saw something white fly from my hand and dissolve.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a muted tone, still relatively calm. "Is this your power?"

"You could say that," I answered quietly. "But right now, I am simply putting up some safety measures. We wouldn't want anyone to get involved in the backlash, would we?"

"Backlash?"

"You see, Edward, this is exactly what I wanted." I turned back to him, throwing more kido into the air. "I wanted you to come back to me and apologize." I reinforced the walls one last time. "Yes, I wanted to you say sorry. I wanted you to ask for my forgiveness. I wanted you to _beg_ for my forgiveness."

I stopped in front of him.

"Yes. That's what I really wanted." I watched him, serene. "I wanted you to beg. I _want_ you to beg." At last, I smiled once more. "I want you to _scream_. And you will, Edward. You will scream. You'll scream just for me.

"It will be lovely, Edward. You'll beg, and beg, and beg, and it will never end. No, there will be no end. You'll live in eternal pain, and I will live in eternal joy.

"Now, Edward," I sighed the words. "_My _Edward. The time is right.

"Yes. It's time.

"_Bankai."_

He flew off his feet, thrown into the invisible wall, and my laughter echoed off the barriers and bounced back in waves of vibrating sound, ripping in waves through the black debris, as my laughter grew louder and shriller until it was a scream. The same ghostly, hollow scream as before, but a thousand times more terrible, a thousand times louder, a thousand times more powerful.

He stared back into the mass of darkness, unable to see me, terror darkening his eyes to black as he finally caught sight of my blood red eyes.

Something I wasn't expecting happened then.

As we locked eyes, he immediately fell to the ground, seizing up, choking screams coming from his mouth. But his eyes remained open, locked upon mine as I flew closer through the black, breathing slow, rattling breaths.

Something blue was flowing from his mouth as he screamed, his eyes open and popping, mad with pain. I took him by the neck, his muscles straining as his body convulsed, leaning over his mouth, releasing him from my look for just a moment.

_Delicious_.

A smile grew over my face, and my laughter rang out once more, as I realized exactly what this power was, and why I couldn't see it while alone. Why Nemesis covered my eyes when I met Jacob in the forest.

"So what did you see, Edward?" I cooed. "What did you feel? What was the worst feeling you've ever felt?"

He lay in my arms, breathing heavily, eyes closed. I tightened my hold on his neck.

"Tell me, precious," I hissed. "It will make replicating it that much easier."

"Lie…s…" he coughed hoarsely, eyes still tightly closed.

"You believe… I lie?"

As I looked him in the face his eyes were forced open once more, and his screams came on strangled breath, his body seizing once more, his arms circling around his torso, just… as I… used… to…

I released my look once more, and at once he leapt upward, his hands grasping my arms feebly. "No!" He gasped out. "No… not… your lies… _my_ lies!"

"_Your_ lies?" I asked. "Ah, yes… you did tell many lies, Edward…"

"You… you don't understand," his voice was imperceptibly stronger. "My lies. The lies I told that day, here." He gasped again suddenly. "The lies that made you what you are now."

"I understand perfectly well, Edward," I answered, my voice even softer now, even stormier. "Your lies _did _make me what I am today. I wonder, Edward, how many girls did you tell lies to?" I was thoughtful, though, for a moment. Because something didn't match up.

Why would _he _feel bad for telling lies? Did his conscience decide to make an appearance after he left me? The idea incensed me further.

He could sense this, and was getting more desperate. "No, Bella, please, listen… before that day, here, in this forest, I never told you a lie. I never told another woman what I'd told you, never in my 105 years of life. That day, that lie, is what made me come back, come back to you, Bella. Ever since I left, I never stopped thinking about what I'd said to you that day. There hasn't been a minute while I was gone that I haven't regretted what I told you." His eyes were haunted, hollow, and I was brought back to the days when I was weak, when the only thing that kept me alive was the hallucination of his voice.

Did I bring unyielding jurisdiction to the wicked? Yes.

But I would never unjustly attack the weak.

"What are you saying?" I said, uncertain for the first time.

"I'm saying, Isabella Swan—" He inhaled a shuddering breath. "That there hasn't been a moment on this earth from the time I met you that I did not love you."

"You-you lie," I whispered. "You left me. You said I wasn't good for you."

"Those _were_ lies, Bella. Victoria was coming. Jasper had just almost killed you. I thought… I thought the only way you'd be safe was if I left you, took you out of my world completely."

"You were _wrong!_" I snarled. "Do you see me now? Do you see what happened to me? You asked who did this to me, Edward. Well, it _wasn't_ Victoria. It was Laurent, the one nobody was watching, you _fucking bastard_." I took a deep, calming breath. "But no matter. If there's anyone I'm thankful to, it's him for showing me who I am."

"Showing you…?"

"_Why should I tell you?_" I screamed. "I have _no_ proof of what you just said to me! If you had been lying to me before, it wouldn't be above you to lie again just to save your _worthless life_!" I took his face by the chin, digging my nails into his flesh. "Why don't you look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, you lying bastard! _Look at me!_"

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

And as my red gaze met his, I was abruptly pulled into a mind that was not mine, a heart that I thought I knew. A heart richer than I could have ever imagined, one that saw the human me as a goddess, but a goddess made of silk over glass. One that he only hurt, and hurt, and hurt.

I watched, merely a visitor, flying through the memories vibrant with color and immeasurable pain.

_What can I do? What can I do, if I can't even protect her from my own brother?_

He was watching me. He was always watching me.

He'd been thinking about it. It'd been on his mind since the moment he met me. _Monster_. He saw a figure as defenseless as a child, standing next to the strongest beast in existence. _She must live_. He saw a presence that did nothing but harm, exposing a kitten to a den of wolves, an unhealthy obsession caused by an unconventional—but so pure, so true—love.

_This is the only way_.

He was watching me, watching my heart break through my eyes, watching me believe so easily that which negated the hundred times he told me he loved me. He was watching me as he left me behind, watching me run after him aimlessly, watching me, broken, but alive.

_Alive_.

So he ran. He ran, far, far away, but to where, he didn't know. All he knew was he left his heart behind him, broken, but alive. He didn't leave the border before he fell to the ground, and ceased to move for a long time.

_I will die… if she can live_.

This went on for days, and weeks, and months. His only task was to follow Victoria, to forbid Alice from watching me, to remember his duty.

_I will die, if she can live. I will die, if she can live. Die for her. Live for her. Die for life. Life. Alive. Keep her alive._

But nothing changed. It was just that pain, that endless, inestimable pain. He was still watching me. Every day, every hour, every second, my face before his blind eyes, my broken heart bleeding through my eyes.

_The only way. Die for life._

So long. This life for so long, this death for so long. _Just a check,_ he thought. _I'll just check on her_.

Would he be able to resist begging for forgiveness, at returning? If I was hurting, if he died for death? _Just a check_. It wouldn't come to that.

At my window, of course it came to that. Of course. _Just her name_. I walked towards him. _Just one touch_.

But what was wrong? _What's wrong with her? _Oh, God, no. No, no, no. Dead. Death. Die for death.

Failure.

He would not—could not ever defend himself against my punishment. It was a mere percent of what he deserved. Those red eyes, the eyes that said my soul was gone—that was what he deserved.

That was the only thing he deserved.

But I, I deserved the truth. The truth, nothing else. The truth and an eternal, silent protector. Either that, or his corpse at my feet. _I love you, Isabella Swan._

_You are my life now._

I broke away, the demonic gleam fading from my eyes as I shook my head in denial. The kido fell. I backed away from that face, that honest, pure, broken face.

I could not look at it, now.

I turned and fled.

_A/N: Well, there you have it, my children. You guys are really lucky I decided to finish this chapter and update, even though I have three tests tomorrow. Feel honored ^_^_

_Oh, and Bella's power will be explained more in further chapters. Yes, another bit stolen from another universe. I'm so unoriginal XP  
_

_And there will be lots more updates during the next week! Thank Godric for winter break! Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it, and if I don't update before then!_

_Reviews=Love!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I know. I'm evil. So much time has passed, and nothing. You're probably screaming, You should be ashamed of yourself! We should stone you, you fiend, you scoundrel!_

_Feel free, my children. I will take your punishment with humble tears DX_

_I'm very sorry. My hippiness comes through in this chapter. But please do not fear! If you think Bella's bloodlust is gone forever, you are very, very wrong! It never left, my children. It's just… for someone else. :)_

_Songs: So Happy I Could Die by Lady Gaga, Fairyland by Ayumi Hamasaki, Sakura Modern (Chinese Version) by alan, anything off the album In Ghost Colours by Cut Copy. _

I ran for a long time. To what—_from_ what—I was unsure. All I saw as I ran was that face, that blank, lifeless face. Why couldn't I look at him? Why couldn't I face that truth, so undeniable it was written in his very soul?

I was shocked. I was at a loss. What to think—what _did _I think of that? Knowing his mind so completely had always been a desperate desire of mine, both loving him and hating him, but now that I did, my heart was breaking and healing at once.

I had been fooling myself all this time. Pretending I was finished with him, pretending that the only thing I wanted was his pain. And it was true—I had wanted his pain.

But undoubtedly and unequivocally, my number one desire was to love him again.

I thought that wasn't possible. I thought the Edward I believed in didn't exist. But for him to return, a person a thousand times more beautiful than I believed prior, my mind was scrambled.

Oh, God, I wanted him back. Every part of me was strained, like my body was fighting the forces of gravity, longing to return to him, to acknowledge both our mistakes and throw ourselves into a shining future.

But I'd changed. I'd seen the effects love had a person. It made them weak. It made _me_ weak. I would never, never return that person, that girl who could barely breath without her love by her side.

Had I been happy, without him, living that life that only consisted of working towards a bloody goal? Training, fighting, blinded, unable to see what was truly good, only able to see the anger in my heart. Even when I believed myself over him, my life still revolved around him. Where was that leading me? What would I have done, after I had killed him?

He loved me. He loved me more than any single person on this earth, perhaps more than anyone had ever loved another. How could I refuse him, how could I return and tell that pure white heart that I didn't love him? How could I return to lie to him like he had lied to me?

Weakness. Weakness. Was it weak, to do the right thing, if it meant lessening your own strength? What was weakness?

And what had caused mine?

_Enough_.

Her voice chilled me.

_Do you listen to a single thing I tell you?_ Nemesis sounded… tired. _I told you what made you weak._

What made me weak…

"_You couldn't connect with average humans… this started a vicious cycle… you believed yourself worthless…false words and affections… your self worth fell…"_

Had _I_ made myself this way? In the beginning, Nemesis told me, she said to me that my power repelled others and made me believe I was worthless, which in turn made me unable to access my power. So when I came to Forks, I was still vulnerable. But I had a fresh start…

Then I met Edward, the beauty, the Greek god. Every time I looked at him, I felt unworthy. When he said he loved me, I was positive it just had to be a temporary fascination, the human girl, but only while she was still young and soft. So when he left me, my worst fears were confirmed.

Nemesis was me. She only knew as much as I did. She took the anger I felt at him, the anger hidden deep down under my depression, and used it to convert me, feeling my feelings were justified, because I did. I discovered myself, but only through a shocking change.

So at the root of this, what was the real cause? My self-value, or my love for Edward?

_You must know when to place to blame upon yourself_.

Maybe, if Edward's feelings really were false, it would have been his fault. But he was doing what he truly believed was best. He was doing what was right, lying to protect someone more precious than himself. What he did was force myself to be independent, to realize what I needed to do to live the best life I could.

And didn't I always talk about how I was indebted to him, for forcing me to find myself?

I stopped running. I fell to the ground, my body boneless and limp.

_Edward. Edward. Edward._ Waves of indescribable emotion flowed over me, emotion I hadn't felt in a long time, something so wholesome and true, I felt, it could only be right.

But something else changed. A barrier broke. I felt something else pulsing through my veins, felt life flowing through my body, felt rather than saw Nemesis's shock.

_You… you've reached it. The peak._

Peak?

The peak. The peak of my potential.

Was this what it took, what it really took, to take away someone's weakness? Acknowledging what made you weak? Finding yourself?

Or once and for all, truly, and finally discovering love?

I never thought that… this was how I'd become steel.

I picked myself up off the ground, feeling almost faint from the changes that had occurred in me. But I was still strong enough to go to one place.

And that was… back to him.

I fled, so much faster than I had run away, towards the place I had run. My hair flowed behind me like a curtain, my feet bare in my speed, my mask at last discarded.

He came into my sight far before I came into his. I saw him, hunched over, on the ground, lifeless as I had been before.

Yes. As I had been before.

We were one.

I met him on the ground, my arms around him again, in a swirl of air and dirt, and in that moment, everything was right again. His eyes lit with something brighter than fire, and just as I'd thrown myself at him, he returned the sentiment with equal force, and we fell back onto the ground, holding each other with a silent desperation never there before.

We had many things to discuss, many things to clarify. Neither of us were entirely sure of the other's intentions, of where we would falter and where we would fly. But it didn't matter anymore.

We were together.

* * *

That night was a long one. There was little speech, and a lot of unspoken communication. We held each other until the sun rose, saying nothing, because nothing was needed.

He left in the morning—he needed to tell his family what was going on. It took me awhile to get ready for school, to remember how to function again.

But something strange coursed through me as I donned my mask and my clothes. A strange, light feeling, that made my step a little bouncier, made me smile at myself in the mirror.

Huh. It's pretty sad when you can't even recognize your own happiness.

My face looked prettier when I smiled, I decided. I was used to seeing an increasingly hard, severe face in the mirror, with the occasional bitter or bloodthirsty smile. As beautiful as that bloodlust was, there was something pure about this new look.

No one had heard about the Cullens yet in school. Angela noticed something different about me, she said, and I actually smiled in response. She didn't ask after that.

School was only a constraint. I was out almost before the bell rang, outside my door equally quickly, colliding with him on the doorstep—

"Oh!" I jogged backward.

"Hey," he smiled softly. We were still shy. There was so much to talk about. "I was going to wait for you, but I guess that's not needed…"

"Yeah."

"Alice is about ready to murder me, so I thought you might want to—"

"Yes!"

_Had_ I missed Alice! And Esme, and Carlisle, and Emmett. They were as much my family as Charlie and the wolves were. It was easy to forget these things, I suppose, when your life has been taken from you.

It was odd to think of all this without bitterness.

We made silly small talk in the car, about music and the family and the kids at school. Stepping out of his Volvo, I hardened my skin from pale to white just in time.

"_Bella!_"

"Alice!" she flew into my arms with all the force of a bus, but I was ready, barely glimpsing her exuberant face as she hugged me as tight as she could.

"I'm so sorry we left you all alone! I know an apology can never make up for it, but I can try, and since we have all of eternity, you can be damn well sure the effort will be impressive, because we love you so so much and missed you so so much, all of us, even Rose and Jazz—"

"Alice, slow down," I laughed. "You don't have to worry a bit about any of it, I have more than my share of apologizing to do."

She tilted her head, confused. "What do you mean?"

I caught Edward's eyes over her shoulder; he looked equally befuddled. I shook my head. "We'll talk about it later, first I want to hear all about all of you!"

"Well, before that, let's get Alice to stop hogging you, shall we?" Esme walked toward me, her characteristic soft smile on her face.

"Welcome back, Bella. I can never apologize for all we've put you through."

"You're not at fault," I patted her soothingly, because just like they knew my pain, I could see the pain of a mother in her eyes. I saw Edward flinch in my peripheral vision at my words, and corrected myself. "No one is."

Emmett thumped me on the back with enough force to kill a human, his smile saying more than words. Even Rosalie didn't look homicidal—a big step. She studied me from the doorway, face emotionless. And Jasper lurked behind her, looking unsure.

"Jasper!" He flinched when I called his name. With mock severity, I ordered, "Come here."

He did as I said, still looking confused and nervous. I hugged him carefully, saying, "Relax, will you? No hard feelings." I mean, I'd always thought he was pretty awesome, and certainly couldn't blame him for his earlier actions. He smiled down at me, looking both relieved and uncertain.

Jeez, I couldn't imagine what he, of all people, must have gone through.

They invited me in, Alice still talking a mile a minute, Esme and Carlisle looking so heartbreakingly happy it made me feel guilty about even considering not returning, and Edward shyly staying by my side.

"Edward said you were changed by Laurent," Carlisle managed to get a word in between Alice's ramblings. "We hadn't any idea he'd be around here, seeing as he had been getting along so well in Alaska… Why did he change you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It wasn't exactly like that. He didn't decide to change me at all," I explained. "He attacked me." Esme gasped, and I gave her as comforting a glance as I could spare. "But just before he attacked me—I had a bit of an epiphany."

I smiled sheepishly as I explained, trying to communicate that my low self-esteem wasn't actually Edward's fault. They were shocked, of course, Edward especially. Emmett's eyes lit with a telltale glint when I took out Nemesis, and I felt a little eager myself—my love of fighting had not faded in the least.

But despite all this violent strangeness, there was no change in the emotions behind their eyes when I'd finished my story. Acceptance from the wolves had been good, but acceptance from them—my _family_—was even better. It wasn't another hour before we were, it felt, back to normal.

And I couldn't help but feel like, at that instant, life was perfect.

* * *

Of course, things are never that easy.

I returned home that evening to find Charlie waiting up for me, eating some leftover fish and watching the game (who knows which game).

"Hey, Bells. Over at Jacob's again?" He grinned up at me, still so pleased that I'd finally gotten over Edward.

Yeah.

"Well, Dad, actually, I wasn't at Jacob's today."

"You weren't?" He sat up a little straighter in his chair, paying more attention now. "Where were you, then? Angela's?"

I fidgeted a little—my human mask was so uncomfortable, especially when I was nervous. "You're not going to believe this, but I was down at the Cullens'."

"The _Cullens_?" He repeated incredulously. "They're back?"

"Looks like it."

"But you're not… you're not seeing that boy anymore, are you?"

"His name's Edward, Dad, and yes, I'm seeing him again."

"_No_!" He boomed, the game entirely forgotten now. "I won't allow it!"

"Dad—"

"I said no, Bella! How can you just forget what he did to you? I thought you were going to die, I honestly did!"

"Dad, listen." I took a deep breath. "We talked things out. He knows he made a mistake, and he's sorry. He was as bad as me, Dad, truly."

He scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

"Just ask Carlisle, or Esme! Or anyone in his family! I swear, Dad. Besides, do you really think I'd just take him back if he were lying?"

"I don't know, Bella," He was rubbing his eyes tiredly. "You were so torn up before, you probably would've."

"That was before," I insisted. "I know what I'm doing. And I know he won't hurt me again."

"He better not," He agreed grimly. "Because I'll shoot him."

I was starting to see where I got this whole bloodlust thing from.

Edward was waiting for me in my room when I came up the stairs. I smiled—the expression felt so foreign on my face—and flew across the room to greet him.

"Can we go outside?" I asked him in a whisper. He nodded, taking my hand.

We were strolling idly through the forest, not saying anything, when he spoke.

"I want to apologize again, Bella," he said in a low, tortured voice. I put a finger to his lips.

"No. _I_ want to apologize." He was about to protest, but I went hurriedly on. "Even though leaving me was… the worst thing to do, for both of us, I, too, am at fault." He looked like he was going to protest again. "No, listen. I shouldn't have doubted you so easily. Trust is an important part of a relationship, and mine should not have been so easily broken."

"Don't be silly," he muttered, turning away from me slightly. "After what you said to us today, about your self-esteem… it was only a natural response. I just—it was just so _hard_ for me to understand why you could ever see yourself as inferior to me, a monster, a selfish, parasitic beast." He shook his head. "I never even considered how much your opinion of me, as the one you loved, would overlook all that, seeing only good in me, somehow. But love is blind. I should have realized from the start."

Looks like I have some work to do. "You know, you're almost worse than I was. No, you're _definitely_ worse than I was."

"What do you mean?"

"You have _no_ self esteem. Listen to how you describe yourself—a monster, a selfish, parasitic beast. It's wrong."

"It isn't, Bella."

I stopped, turning to face him. "It _is_! Think about it, Edward—if you, as a vampire, are a monster, than so am I."

He disagreed. "Of course you're not, Bella. You've never killed anyone,"

"I almost killed _you_. Or don't you remember?" The words shook me more than I realized. "And you told me yourself that you only killed evil mortals. I don't care what you say, your conscience is entirely too vocal for you to be considered a 'monster.'"

"But you don't understand, Bella! It doesn't matter who I killed, it only matters that I killed! I took more lives than you could ever possibly imagine. I left you, defenseless. I essentially took your life, the life most important to me on this earth." His eyes, so anguished, disturbed me. It was frightening, how often I saw them, especially in my human life, since I didn't make any attempt to correct this.

"Edward, you are the one who doesn't understand. No monster sees himself as a monster; no monster has a conscience, and a heart, and a soul. And don't you dare tell me you don't have a soul—I _saw it_."

The resolve in his eyes flickered. "What do you mean, you saw it?"

"When I attacked you, that night in the forest. My _bankai_, my maximized power, is to torture the soul with its worst memories, and once it has reached insanity, to consume it. If you didn't have a soul, you wouldn't have felt that pain, nor would I have been able to see your memories in your eyes. You have a soul, Edward. And it's the purest, most loving, most _beautiful_ soul I have ever seen."

He looked completely stunned, staggered. But as time passed, a smile grew on his face until it was so brilliant I almost couldn't look at him. With vampire senses, every detail of his face was lit in perfect clarity, and seeing him this joyous, this _free_, was almost painful.

He wrapped his arms around me, just like last night, only even better because there was no desperation, no fear of desertion from either side, just a timeless serenity that permeated the air around us.

"Only you, Isabella Swan," he murmured. "Only you could make my soul something worth seeing at all."

And finally, finally he kissed me, and truly, everything was perfect, in that moment.

_A/N: Yaay! A Disney ending for the chapter! That's what I'm best at :D_

_I won't ask for reviews today, because of how long I took to update DX but I would really, really like them! Lol_

_Hope your summer nights are full of magic and bunnies!_


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